WELL, IF U SEE THIS PICTURE HERE (NO, IT´S NOT VIRGING MARY) IT IS OBVIOULSLY BECAUSE I AM NOT AT THE HOSPITAL...
You have no idea how miserable, heddious, awful, terrible, shitty, crappy, unfair and hatefull day I had since the very same moment I opened my eyes (3 a.m.) until I finally got back from hospital, sent a "phone squad" to get Alexis on line and then, after listening to my adored husband´s voice, I fel in deep sleep on my Mom´s huge comfortable king size bed.
OK, LET START THE TALE... at 3 am and after two sleeeping pills I woke up to go to the bathrroom and I fell on the floor, I called Mom several times until she woke up to help me while Alexis, 5000 miles away was waking up because of the same screams (we sleep with our skype line open).
Then, after the trauma, Mom and A. stayed with me but I couldn´t go back to sleep, pills didn´t work and my anguish, anxiety and "lokomotion" were too severe to be controlled, more the night before going to be hospitalized.
So, I woke up and wrote another song for my musical (yes, the results are amazing if you are under pills).
Then, as the departure time was coming, Alexis and I started our endless try-to-stay-up-beat-and-never-fall act (That never really worked on these last two weeks in hell, I mean, they helped, but neither of us could avoid a Panic Attack from time to time).
AND I RAN TO THE HOSPITAL(HOUSE OF PAIN)
I hate public hospitals, their long aisles, the community rooms (20 beds each, separated by courtins, yes like an enfermary in the WWII)
I arrived to admissions, made the paper work, they gave me a bed (yuk!) and there I was... after fighting with myself for the last week, accepting the fact I was in that disgusting bed, ready to start my "two days treatment".
After being there for three hours as the star of some kind of "Show&Tell" class to all the young neurologists working at that hospital (my case is so rare that everytime I get into as Hospital, I became an object of study like a lab rat). They kept going and asking questions, and checking my reflections, my symptoms, etcetera. untill I got pissed off and started asking straight about when the hell they would start my treatment... they looked to themselves and some resident said: "oh no, I already talked to Doctor X (The man in charge) and he said we won´t start anything untill tomorrow..."
"Then, I´m out of here" (And I put my coat on).
The little resident became pale as snow and asked me to wait for a moment...
I said: "Lady, I´m here for only 48 hours against my will to do a special treatment my doctor prescripted me, and now, you are saying you want me to stay here just to warm up a bed until you decide when to start doing something TOMORROW, excuse me, I´m outta here..."
Then, another woman came up, one of these stoopid idiots who has that attitude that they´re the owners of the hospital with only 25 years old and a hedious rictus on her lips, she exclamed: "but mister, you know thsast if you leavee now we won´t be able to reserve the bed for you and you will probbably won´t find any bed free tomorrow"
"Listen bitch, do you think this is the Hilton? I WON´T STAY A NIGHT HERE and about your "reservations"... well, I will take the risk" (of course this shut her stupid rictus up and never dare to speak to me again)
By this point the little resident was already bringing DrX to my room-aisle-community center- bed.
Dr X is a magnificennt doctor, one of the greatest that ever took my case, sincerelly I don´t know what the fuck was going on with him today.
My conversation with Dr X(this time gentler and more friendly than the ones with the other professional wannabes):
The point was that, by a stoopid misunderstood of my doctors (yes, they are the greatests profesionals here, but tonight I´m so furious that you can call them assholes!)
They didn´t want to start that ferocious treatment cuz "they needed to make a few testings first", then, while asking what those testings were about, they mention (between others) a Medular puncture (yes, to insert a 12 inches needle on my spine a to extract liquid from it)
AND I SAID I´M SORRY, I´M LEAVING.
I´m not scareed of needles on my back, the point it´s just that I already had 4 punctures of that in less than two years.... to have another one could cause an irreversible damage on my system, so.... CRAZY.
Dr X and I talked for more than a half hour, and he nooded while I was asking "and now what do you expect to find? don´t you remember how many times you tried to go after things that took you to nowhere? And now you wanna repeat that? tell me, why another puncture? why putting me in Jeopardy like that?"
He agreed and respected my decition of leaving the Hospital as long as my state of mind remained in one piece and as soon as I could avoid the need of strangle that bitch who talked to me about "reservations".
Now the plan is to wait, tomorrow morning Dr X, Dr G and Dr R, are suppossed to have a meeting to discuss all this, then, they will call me...
in the meantime... I´m still turning into a beautiful cactus or "in Jeopardy" as you Americans love to say...
AS ALWAYS, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT. AND FOR ALL OF YOU UP THERE CLOSER TO ALEXIS, PLEASE, HE NEEDDS POSSITIVE ENERGY AS MUCH AS I DO!!!
(after all, he is the one who will have to wather the lil´argentinian cactus)