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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Saturday, April 02, 2005


As you requested:

this is the latest freaking joke my fucking fate played with me...

Ok, here I am again trying to write without being bored or getting lost between fool details.

Before start I gotta say that this (I think) will be a very hard-to-write post, because to begin the second part of this crazy story I must reveal a -how to call this- "secret" that only a few people know about my life and that I thought it would remain like that forever just to protect my buddy´s image in front of my friends and relatives... but I think it´s time the world knows he has been a jerk.


I just can´t remember how or where I found this guy, but I´m so happy I did it.

Since this illness started I´ve been surfing a lot around internet, killing all those hours I won when I found myself on a chair with not much to do but read&write on this fucking computer. (Remember I had to move back to my parents because I couldn´t be alone and my buddy had to work everyday). During those days, I made a few friends that helped me to get trough all the crap, and Tim was one of them.

Every night, after dinner and my coup of coffe, I sat in front of my screen and started MSN chat with Tim and other friends until it was really late in the night (I just couldn´t sleep because of my medication.. and I hate sleeping pills so...).

I never met Tim in person, we talked by the phone just a couple of times but, our conversations were very sensitive and we became closer everynight... call this friendship, virtual support, a voice behind the line.. etc. The point is that, during the worst days of my life, I had someone who were listening to me, bringing me love and support, as my friend.


I know after my little prologue you are all especting the morbid details of this crappy situation.

This is not easy... actually is harder than I thought, because, even though this has been left in the past and I still love this guy with all my heart, I know I just couldn´t trust him again after what he had done.

But I won´t talk about the terms of our marriage after this facts or how my feelings are, this post is about fate jokes and believe me, these are more interesting than my "Desperate Housewives" stories.

FACT a): while my ilness I discovered he had a secret hotmail account (I gotta admitt that I AM THE ONE WHO TEACHED HIM HOW TO WRITE AND SEND AN EMAIL, YES, DURING 2004!! hard to believe that such a morron actually exists uh? anyway, I love him.).

FACT b): of course, I assume that a secret account in a person that can´t even write an email properly couldn´t be good... so I smelt the shit in the air and cracked its password. (yup, i´m good)

What I found was a huge list of sent and received emails from several guys from each part of the city. Pictures, dates, times, arrenged meetings, nutty words (cool stuff if it´s not your husband the one who writes!).

When I made him face the facts, he denied everything, he told me it was just a game, that he never touched anyone but, what he never understood was that the "touching thing" was the part I care less about...

YUP, I HAD MARRIED A WHORE. But this post is not about whores or victims... at this point I´ll just say that the terms of our relationship changed as my capacity of trusting him again. But if you are wondering why the hell I am writing about this, the answer, my friends, is on the

FACT c): Guess who´s email address appeared in this secret account email sent box??? YES!!!!!!!!!!! It had to be this way!!! My friend Tim, the one I never met, the one who didn´t even know my real name, or my husband´s name, the one who never saw a picture of us togheter, the one that only knew my hotmail account and cell number... yes, that Tim, the one that had been hours and hours chatting with me during the last three months.


about buddy: I had better and more important things to think about (walking again, for example) that the idea of starting a divorce just became stupid, in the meantime, buddy tried really hard to show me HOW WRONG he was (Jerk!) and now, even tough he knows this is not over, he pretends to live like non of this had happened.... maybe in NEVERLAND with freaky Jhonny Deep.

about Tim: I told him everything about this emails and asked if he had got any message from oerly66@hotmail.com but, if so, it had been long time ago or maybe some profile response from the pictures Tim had in a Gay Cupid argentinian site. But, in that case, evreything had been erased. He swers he doesn´t remember meeting Buddy or even receiving a Buddy´s message. Ok then.... let´s go to


If you are a regular visitor of tis site, you may remember my "letters from heaven", the posts I used to write durinng my weekends at my appartment in downtown. (every weekend I move back to my home and stayed there, relaxing, until the next monday). In those posts, I told you about Manu, the guy who were living with us for a while.

We met Manu at the rehearsals of "2032", a wonderful theatre play I was going to be in with my Buddy, but as my health condition became worst, I had to resign the idea of being on stage then... so I stayed working as some kind of "art director".

We were working then, and we found Manu had some problems trying to find an appartment (he´s from Jujuy, the northest region of Argentina... thousands and thousands and thousands miles from Buenos Aires. And we offered to stay on our downtown place until he founds one of his own.

We became really close, he helped me in everyting and, if you remember my wheels posts, he was the one that took me running around Buenos Aires avenues screaming and making formula one noises while pushing my wheelchair... yup, he´s nuts! and I love him.

Manu came home early and asked me: "are you ready for a
ride?" And -what was I thinking????????- I said yes
He took me on a wheelchair ride through CORRIENTES AVENUE (it´s our local Broadway) running and screaming, making formula one noises and scaring people... it was hilarious. Thank God there are no traffic tickets for a
simple chair!! are they? oops... I´m so sorry Mr.cop ,,, I´m just a little guy who can´t walk ... aren´t you sorry for me?


During last weeks thursday, I got an offline Message from Tim saying: "I C U NEXT SUNDAY" It had been weeks since I didn´t had any news from him, and then that misterious message...

"Sunday... sunday... What the hell happends next sunday?" I thought, "besides easters weekend and the last show of our play, nothing especial is happening next sunday, There must be something related with the play but how the hell he knows about it? I never told him about it... what´s going on?"...

When I got connected that night, I had to wait until 1.00AM when Tim came up to get my answers, and believe me, I couldn´t sleep that night...

The MSN conversation started with a message like this:

TIM: heyyyyyyy Ian!!!! I´ll see you next sunday!!!

IAN: what? where? what do you mean?

TIM: I´m going to your play!! I didn´t know about it! I had met Manu last night at a party and he told me about it! so... I´ll meet you there...

I remember myself calling my friend&muse SILVANA trembling and trying to be clear on the phone while I was telling her the whole story...

Last weeks wednesday night, in a who-tha-hell-knows whose birthday party in Buenos Aires Downtown, two guys: one I never met, gay, who was "this close" to be my husband´s lover (ehehe creepy uh?) and the other, a guy I haven´t even met before the rehearsalss started in november, straight, from Jujuy!! (that´s far from here... really far for god´s sake!) and that was living in my place... how... please somebody tell me HOW THA FUCK THEY HAD FRIENDS IN COMMON???? HOW DID THEY GET TOGHETER IN THIS PARTY??? and worst: HOW THE FUCK MY NAME CAME UP AND THEY STARTED TO TALK ABOUT MEEEEEEEE??????????????

well... I finally met Tim in person. (Buddy almost freaked out and I enjoyed it so much!), Tim will visit me at the clinic next week and we´ll laugh about the whole thing... trying not to hear the TWIGLIGHT ZONE MUSIC on our heads... TIRU LIRU TIRU LIRU TIRU LIRU....



SWEETHEARTS, about my Rehab, I´m still working hard and getting better everyday... forgive me if I don´t taklk much about it this weeek but I think post has been long enough and I don´t wanna bored you. I promise next week I will post the latesst news about my life in the CIRCCUS.

Thanks for all your emails and comments, I love you guys!!



I assume that thousands of postcards are on their way to the rehab center, right????

this is the address:

Sr. Ian Gutierrez
Inst. CARILE Habitacion 615
Hospital Militar Central
Avda Luis M. Campos #726
Buenos Aires (C1426BOR) ARGENTINA


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