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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Friday, June 30, 2006

I can´t wait!!!!!!!!

If I tell ya all there´s a movie I´ve been waiting for years and years to be made, then you all would answer:

"oh, you big queer, don´t worry, HAIRSPRAY - THE MOVIE it´s already been shot and it´s abouyt to be releades this year"

Then, if I say NOT THAT ONE you would say:

"well, Phantom of the Opera has already been done"

NO, try again...

The ones who´s been following my blog for longer than a year would say:

"Jurassic Park"??? "Dinosaur"??? "Marie Antoinette"???

And I´ll reply:
"No, before going on with this, I have a Confession to make... em..umh.......


Then go visit THIS site and get the answer...


I love you Mr. Spielberg!!!

Thank you so much!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

San Telmo - Tango - Gays & Flee Market

If you are a newbie gay man in town and you want to make friends out of the wild gay nightlife of Buenos Aires, then this is the perfect place for you: The SAN TELMO neighbourghood on a sunday afternoon.

SAN TELMO is that old neighbourhood which is worldwide popular because of the Tango and the Antiques Stores... and the most wanted "get together" of thousands of gay wealthy couples who come every sunday to "buy" articles to "redecorate" their love nests.

This place has a lot of atractions and its one of the MUSTS if you are visiting Buenos Aires. One of these particular attractions is the antiques flee market that is placed on a square, in the middle of the street.

In this wonderful place you can find a store like the one above, completelly dedicated to 19th Century clothing and fabrics, accesories and amazing things like that.

The "flee market" concept doesn´t mean that any of this articles on sale are cheap, actually, as one of the owners of the store told me:
"This is not a place for the poor... if they want to get something cheap, they can always go to Home Depot"

Anyway, Having the money or not, the place worth a visit. You could never know how many surprises you will find behind those tables...

*a chandelier that used to hang from the roof of one of those old BA palaces...

*a dress that could have been used by EVITA herself...

*a sequin pair of gloves with pearls attached, the ones High Class ladies used to wear at the Opera House...

This evil creature is my lil´brother Lisandro pointing at the only hat he found that "he would buy for his eldest macho brother (me)"

Can you believe it?

Did he actually HAVE TO choose the blue velvet one with a flower attached?


Saturday, June 24, 2006

HAIRSPRAY - A Tribute to my Showtune Queen: Matty May

Matt May, love at first sight maybe?
Matty´s adoreable crazyness had entered to my life way before I took my plane to Florida, maybe even before I knew I was going to America...

He was a member of my (then) "friend" Alexis´s gang.

Once the word of a marriage proposal was out (and oh Gawd!, you should know how fast this kind of news run across the entire Miami Beach Society) it was Matty May itself the one who yelled at me on the phone:

"the maids of honor can´t wear peach!!! I hate it!! If you want me to be one, you better change your mind!! My color is emerald green!"

Then I replied: "but shouldn´t I say ´I do´ first?"

Yes, that phonecall chat was the morning of the very same day Alexis proposed to me, I was in heaven (I´m still in heaven=PROZAC).

But there was something in that crazy flaute-voiced-bitch in the line that made us hit it off right away even before we met.

Matt was the Director of Education at the Theatrical Asociation of Florida and, of course A SHOWTUNE Q - WEEN as me.

Matty May, oh Matty May, we share the same passion for Broadway Musicals but, on his case, not only he has that fascinating hability to remember and follow every single line of any showtune you dare to mention(GAYYY), but also HE TEACHES THEM TO THE KIDS IN SCHOOL!!! (Yeah, a legion of lil´ queens-to-be). )(GAYERRR)

If we add that sarcastic sense of humor he has, then you all will be able to understand why I LOVE THIS GUY SO MUCH!


During the last week of febrary, the night before I had my oh-so-scary appointment at the US Embassy to get my VISA, Matt invited Alexis and the gang to see the touring performance of Hairspray at the Jackie Gleason theatre in South Beach.

Tells the story that my (then) fiancee was so nervous because of the pressure of a possible rejected VISA, that he couldn´t even enjoy the show (even from the VIP 3rd row seats Matt got to them).

Well, you know the rest of the story, the morning after I got my fucking American VISA and three weeks later, we were getting married at The Palace.

Once I was in Florida, one day Matt came to us and say:

"Boys, I got three sits to see HAIRSPRAY tonight in Palm Beach, do you wanna come?"

(FOR THE RECORD: you don´t have to ask me something like that twice).

So, Alexis agreed to avoid his Highways-fobia and accepted to be driven all the way from South Beach to Palm Bech to allow his newbie lil´craszy handicapped fiancee to make one of his dreams come true: To attend to his First Broadway Musical Ever.

NOTE: Even though I performed in several productions such as RENT, THE LION KING, between others, and that I had alreasdy seen every single Broadway production tht had come to Buenos Aires, this was my first chance to see THE REAL THING)

So, that night, two weeks later, Alexis was watching HAIRSPRAY again, but this time he was holding my hand.

To my surprise, and to make me set a golden statue of Miss Matty on a pedestal to be adored forever, the invitation included backstage passes and the chance to meet the actors after that marvalous show.

You can read the whole story and see the pictures we took with the cast on Alexis´blog HERE, HERE, HERE , HERE and HERE (As the wonderful writter my hubby is, you shouldn´t miss any of these links)

It wasn´t a surprise then, when we decided that our wedding song would be "You Can´t Stop The Beat" and that the wedding night, Matt showed up with a bag full of Hairspray Gifts (poster, cap & a loveable scrapbook-like souvenir photo album).

Now that you know the reason why this show is so important to me, is time to share the hapinnes of having found a copy of the entire live performance on DVD!!!

Of course this is something you wold never find at WALL*MART

As I did with the video of WICKED, I had to contact the Gay Mob to get it, I´m sure some showtune queen in NY is now in jail because of this but... I´m happy so, who cares??

Now I had the chance to remember that wonderful night with my hands on Alexis´hands watching this wonderful show again...
and again...
and again...
and again...
and again...

But of course... I must control my abuse to this kind of stuff...

Thursday, June 22, 2006


Last Sunday (Father´s day) Alexis and I woke up early, giggly and waiting for a phonecall,
an E-mail,
a Postcard,
a Gift,
A box of chocolates (??)

A HUG MAYBE???????????????

BUT OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...... Non of our UNGRATEFUL CHILDS remembered us...

Not even a call... Shame on you....


Jesse, the sparkling soul stucked in the "should I" mud.

Lincoln, my new step son and Alexis´ all time "retarded daughter"

Nikki, the latin lover wannabe

So, now I gotta say we´ve placed all our hopes in our new baby, DannyBoy.

Danny, is a loveable Cocker Spaniel around 12 years old who´s been found abandoned, all dirty, full of flees and God only knows how many of other bugs on him, he was wearing a collar but no identification at all.

DannyBoy is almost blind... it seems he can difference between shadows but we are sure the dog has lost most of his sight.

The first two nights, and after several baths, he showed he is the perfect buddy and the fact that Alexis decided to adopt him right away brought tears to my eyes.

Then, I don´t remember exactly when this happened, Alexis said: "Ian, this is our BABY". And then I thought to myself: "and you are the man I want to spend the rest of my life with... one happy family"

Saturday, June 17, 2006


I guess it´s official.... Im "A WHORE"

Check this links out and purchase on-line....



Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Yesterday morning I woke up in a very "up-beat" mood, it was a cold grey rainy day in Buenos Airres, but I was stunning... the effects of the drug treatment were almost gone, my husband was on MSN (as usual) and then, while talking with him, I remembered a song I listened to long ago... it wasn´t a classic... but it just came to my mind.

Last year I was searching for music to take with me to the REHAB CENTER and Natasha Beddingfield´s album was one of the ones I bought.

Yesterday morning I decided to keep on... to stop moaning about my new fall on my health, to start writting the book again... and there was this song.

I wrote an email to Counteess Bedelia saying "this is my mood today" and I forward her the lyrics.

I am unwritten again... but I cannot forget all I already had written... and oh fucking hell!!! that was a lot...

So I decided to make and share this video with you all, the ones who were there for me, always.

This video starts with some material of my old performances, 3 years ago, then, the illness, the wheelchair and the oh-so-sad-story we are all fucking tired of... then, my plays as a director, my trip to Florida, my wedding, my love, my honneymoon... well, just the exibits of what TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE really means.

Those are the pages I had...




I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your INNER VISIONS

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way

oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live you life with arms wide open
Today is where you book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
the rest is still unwritten

Monday, June 12, 2006

do re mi

Saturday Night.

I knew Maria (Countess of Navarro) was coming home to watch a few DVDs (as we do almost every saturday).

In order to cheer me up and being known about all the crap I´ve been through during the last two weeks, she decided to give me a SURPRISE and, as we all know... this crazy girl has ABSOLUTELY NO LIMITS.

She showed up all dress in a "made of a green curtain" outffit (as Julie Andrewss in The Sound of Music) carrying a basquet with a cake, flowers and, of course, a gguitar.
She came in and said:
"hey Dorothy, what are ya doing dressed up like that???? I thought we were going on a pic-nic!"

I just died... we ended up singing "DO, RE, MI" and our own rendition of "EDELWEISS".......




Sunday, June 11, 2006


Well, I think there´s no need to add words to describe how I feel about SOCCER.

"Being sorrounded by Homer Simpsons watching the Super Bowl" would have been a great title to this post........

BTW, ARGENTINA WON THE GAME (or so I heard)...

Friday, June 09, 2006

God protect me (him) THERE´S A STRAIGHT MAN IN MY BED!!!!!!!

The "joke" started last monday night when, while "Skyping" with my husband I said:
"baby, I need to make a confession"

"go ahead, but on your knees, please"

"ok, but keep that fly closed... Next thursday night, a Man will be sleeping with me on my bed..."

The thing was that My lil´brother had an appointment with his doctor on friday morning and, if Mom had to take him, there will be nobody in the house to "assist" me (you know, helping me from going to the bathroom to bring me a glass of water) so... I asked Manu to spend the thursday night here.

I assume you all remember Manu, he´s one of my bests friends and so saddly straight.

THIS IS WHAT I WROTE ABOUT HIM NOT SO LONG AGO: Angel #1 , the most loveable straight boy I ever met (I´m sorry Boris), He once came to live with my ex (Jerk) and I to my former downtown appartmen during the first stages of my illnes (he used to take me out to run my wheelchair in the BA fast-speed Avenues). And no, no matter how many attemps I have made, I couldn´t turn him gay (though now he knows the difference between Jean Paul Gaultier and Dolce & Gabanna)


YES, Dr. Octopus (me) was very excited about the moment this poor soul had to take off his (Wrangler)Jeans to sleep in the only bed I have in my bedroom... and then, the fun began...

Endless hours of jokes, doble sense dards, laughter and a huge numbers of hugs while crying "this can´t be happenning!"

OF COURSE NOTHING HAPPENNED, we watched DAVINCI CODE on DVD and ended up passing out at 4 in the morning making fun of each other and having a great time...a night to remember.... the ones you can only have sleeping with a friend. (yeah, a straight friend).

Thursday, June 08, 2006


From the huge number of projects that I´m onto, besides the crappy health thing, I think the most powerful is the one I mentioned a few posts ago. SADE, THE DIVINE MARQUIS.

This project started last year while I was working as a stand in director of "12 fragmentos de amor" ("Twelve Fragments of love") a play written and directed by my talented friend Sergio Kohan (One of the most wanted rising stars in the BA Off Theatrical World).

We started working together two years ago, when I was supossed to be his actor in one of his plays and got ill, by then, I became some kind of a freaky consultant who was suggesting things by email about how to stage scenes, lighting effects, costumes, and an endless bla blahs... ending up on the credits as "Creative Designer" yes, it seems we created a new way of working).

Then, while I was living at the REHAB CENTER I had to scape once a week (running away on my wheelchair) to continue with my work.

It was the perfect team, Sergio Kohan and his actors (a fountain of talent themselves) found that I could help them, guide them and create, all together, what it became a magnificent play.

That was "2032" (a postmodern chronicle about a bunch of souls that had survived to The End of the world and, suddenly, came back to life as the "memoirs" of their last minute as human beings). It was fantastic, the audience loved it, the reviews where amazing and our pride was bigger than the Everest.

My position of "Creative Designer" was promoted to "Stunt in Director" on the next play (12 fragmentos de amor/12 fragments of love") where my work (once out of the rehab center) was a lil´bit more serious than the one I had before, due to this time I was dealing straight with the actors, defining staging and giving directions on how to perform the show (a wonderful story written by Sergio Kohan about a laberinth of love stories that got together making everybody in the audience hold their breath, creating a unique atmosphere of desperation, sorrow, happyness and LOVE as the conflictive characters where telling their stories on stage).


The "team" was there... Sergio Kohan... the actors... and me.
It was another hit!

It was during the rehearsalls of this play when Mr.Kohan first told me about The Divine Marquis.... I rolled my eyes and said: "you are crazy, but I´m in". Then he offered me the chance to Direct... AND YOU ALL KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IS TO SAY NO TO ME!

So, he gave me the script, written by Andres Casro Berta, An Uruguayan writter who has given Kohan the rights of the play in Argentina...

The Marquis de Sade, is one of the most amazing characters in history... and I had in my hands a two hours monologue based on his "diaries"....
who really was the all-time feared Marquis?
How to present a character like that to an audience that could have as many diff´rent reactions to it as people in this world?

So... we started working on the plot... cutting it from two hours to a 45 minutes monologue.... what was the marquis we wanted to show?...
are we justifying him or exposing him?...
are we just allowing him to tell us his own story or are we just showing him as a piece of art on a museum?...

The opening night was on January 6th 2006. The reviews loved it.

"There is only one word to describe it: EXCELENT!" they said.

Last week, after a very suscessfull season and touring, we opened in Buenos Aires again, but this time we went for more...

Not only the staging has changed from a regular theater to a dark basement... (yes, now, if you are brave enough to face the Great Marquis de Sade, you have to walk down the stairs of a basement and get into a dark room where the shadows and the cold are the hosts) but also we decided to limit the audience to only 10 seats...


Maybe the same atmosphere the own Marquis was enjoying on his dusty cell at Le Bastille, The prision where he spent most of his days...

Now The Divine Marquis is more than just a play... it´s an experience...

The ads shows the advice "This Show contains violent scenes and darkness, not available for people wasuly impresionable, claustrophobic or suffering Nervous disorders in small crowded rooms".

During the opening night, a woman left the theatre before the actor started to speak, she was crying and trembling....WOW. The ones that stayed, enjoyed a breath.taking performance that blown their minds away.

The reviews were fantastic again...
"you are not able to say if it is a good or a bad play, it´s beyond that.... but you can be sure it´s a play you will NEVER forget" They wrote


Tuesday, June 06, 2006




I LOVE YOU ALEXIS. Thank you for holding my hand during this. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for all the strenght you filled me with. Thank you for makeing me laugh and cry at the very same time. Thank you for loving me.

Monday, June 05, 2006


As a conclusion of this SAD CLOWN Stories Post series about fears and new treatments, doctors and stupid people...

Today is the day, everything is ready.... I´m waiting for "them" to start the whole "new treatment" thing in a few hours.

My husband is holding my hand, my angels are thinking of me, my family is sorrounding me... and of course, all of you, the wonderfful people out there... in the dark...

"And now... Mr. DeMille... I´m ready for my "needles"...

Saturday, June 03, 2006


I know,
during the last two weeks I´ve been a pain in the ass for all the readers that come to this site to find some entertainment,... (maybe with My Black Humor Post I got a lil´better)

You see, the Handicapped Clown was switched on DRAMA-DIVA-MODE and, plus the panic of facing the new treatment, the Hospitalization (that never was), the new drugs, the fears of being falling a lil´more everyday AND (despite how professional they are) to deal with stupid doctor wannabes wasn´t material of ENTERTAINMENT at all...

Now, while a wonderful state of peace of mind (PROZAC) covered my day, I´m ready to jump the queue and start the details of an AMAZING SATURDAY that I wish NEVER ends.

(I dunno if you´ll find this "entertaining" but, what tha hell, it´s my blog, I´m happy and I want to share it with you all)


You all remember my Go-Go Girls (The dancers I always work with and the ones who gives those amazing parties such as THE HALLOWEEN BALL or my MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA BACHELOR PARTY - see video HERE)

Actually their real name as a DANCE COMPANY is FUGAZZYMBOLL JAZZ BALLET and they are directed by the talented choreographer (and amazing friend) Maku Malanchuck.
Today they presented two unbelieveable choreographies on GYMONSTAGE, an international dance contest and, of course, as the one who has chosen the music of one of them, I was there at the BA Broadway Theatre to support my girls.
Not only both performances got a place on the Southamerican Finals but also, Maku got the Gold medal as BEST CHOREOGRAPHY and BEST PERFORMANCE. (wooooooooooooowwwwwwww)
Now we are all exited and waiting for december when they will perform again TO WIN THE SOUTHAMERICAN FINAL.(wheeeeeeeeeee!!)


One of the biggests surprises of the day was that Alejandra Kalnisky (I love this woman!) was on the audience of this contest too, so, after the show we went to EL VESUVIO (a classic BA cafe) to drink a couple of "capus" (italian capuccino) and talk about a thousand "abouts"--- it was great.


Tonight was the opening night of a new season of "Sade, The Divine Marquis", the play I had the honor to direct and as I know by now, it has been a great suscess! (I couldn´t make it to the ytheatre due to this cold and rainy night, I couldn´t put myself at the risk of getting a cold two days before my treatment... remember I´m supossed to be "the man in the bubble" until the mention treatment get to its end)
The reviews of the last season said: "there is only one word to describe it: EXCELENT!"
So... I don´t really need to wait to read the ones about tonight...I´m so proud of it!!!!!!

SUNSET BLVD (yes, again)

Sunset Blvd its our movie (Alexis´and mine) and we musta have watched a thousand times...
Since the beginning of our relationship, this wonderful movie has been our own object of cult and the seeder of the 80% of our inner jokes...
The point is that I could never share it with a lot of people I love (I own a dvd that doesn´t include spanish captions and remember I am the only one who speaks (or try to speak) english in the family)
After several tries, I found a very old VHS copy at a Classic Movie Store in Downtown BA. (for less than 8 dls!!!- nobody buys VHS anymore!) And guess what? it has the Spanish captions!
So... this wonderful day ended up on my living room, in front of my old VCR, whipping with my MOM and sharing those amazing Gloria Swanson´s eyes while she said: "and now Mr. DeMille, I´m ready for my close up..."



BTW. I´m in love....

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Friday, June 02, 2006


Since I was a kid, one of the signs that shown I was dealing quite safe with a tragic situation was that I was able to Laugh about it.
And Black (and sick) humor has always been sort of way out to all the crap I have inside...

This morning, while all was about HOPE (see my last post) a tragedy started my day...
Remember the woman we had to hire to clean and turn my room into a bubble to avoid viruses and stuff while I´m gettting the new tratment? well, apparently, her father, while going back home from work, decided to take a bus, made a bad step on its stairs, fell down and died instantly when his head hit the street... oh boy...


but I couldn´t stop laughing thinking "oh stoopid ol´man, and you decided to take that bus now???"

Then, while chatting with my hubby I just couldn´t avoid to make jokes such as:

"Hello Mr Saint Peter, Sir, I was just taking the 64 to Alvear Avenue and I got lost... is Alvear near this cloud?"
"Benny thought he was taking the 64 bus to Alvear Avenue....but he was really taking the bus... to THE TWIGLIGHT ZONE... TIRU-LIRU-TIRU-LIRU-TIRU-LIRU..."

Then, after getting my hubby sick.. (he knows so well how to deal with me)

Pablo, my friend(ANGEL) from Parana, the Riverside, came up on MSN after months of not having a clue of what was happenning to me...

He´s a professional up-beater, and he can steal a smile from a statue .
Since we first met, about 10 years ago, we´ve shared, between a thousand things, this sick ability of turning everything into a big comedy show, (including my illness).


Pablo_(about the set of pictures we made last week with Alejandra Kalnisky )They are terrific, she´s a magnificent photographer

Ian: Yes she is, and you know what? she called me last night, we talked for an hour about new projects...

P_ really? are you planning to take more pictures together?

I_ Yes, but I had to ask her to hurry up...

P_ to hurry up? why?

I_ cuz if I´m becoming a plant, and she won´t rush, it will be easyer for her just to go to the Botanic Gardens and take shots of vegetal landscapes, they´d be more pretty than me as a veggy ...

P_ or maybe to the Recoleta Cemetery...

I_ Pablo, I´m not dying, I´m just going into a comma...

P_ no, I´m talking about the moment when we´ll have to unplugged you...

I_ oh, I see....

P_there are people waiting in line to do that...

I_ oh yes, they love me....

P_ oh sweety, let´s get serious, if you will become a plant I would cut you into a thousand pieces to make new lil´plants of you...

I_ oh baby, that´s so sweet!"... but the least thing this world needs is an invasion of an army of lil´fags...

P_ oh hell, you are right! what a nightmare!

I_ why don´t you just take the juice of me and start selling creams as if I were aloe vera?

P_ that´s a good one!... then hurry up and die bitch, and I´ll be rich.

I_ oh, I love you too...

Thursday, June 01, 2006


PH: Alejandra Kalnisky

It was last night, at 3.30am when, being known that even under the VALIUM effects I wouldn´t be able to sleep, and after writting the ferocious "tragicomic post" of my adventures at the Public Hospital (House of Pain), I decided to put all my strenght together and write a very hard, moving, desperate, heavy, emotional, heartbreacker, furious, and above all things EXTREMELLY SINCERE e-mail to my Inmunologist, the one who leads my case.

>That email was so heavy that I couldn´t (even can´t now) read it again after I sent it, it included (of course) the link to my last post, the one you all have read.

My idea was to reach this wonderful woman´s heart, showing her my dissapointment and letting her know that, even though I knew she was out of all the horrors I had to get through at the hospital, the damage in my heart and soul was irreversible... as my feelings of being lost and unprotected by them.

The answers started to arrive by phonecalls early in the morning... phonecalls I made Mom get,
a thousand apologyzes and explanations about procedures, medical risks and more thousand blah- blahs...

Then, my Neurologist called, more or less the same... both very worried and hurted about all the crap that had happened the day before...


They finally offered me to make this severe treatment, taking all the risks, taking all the messurements required, taking care of every single detail....BUT AT HOME.


THERE ARE A LOT OF RISKS, most of them rely on the reactions my body would suffer whille that powerfull drug is getting into my veins, but nothing can be compared to the fact that I will be in my own bed while Alexis, on Skype "holds" my hand and then, when I´d close my eyes, everything will be perfect... AS IT USED TO BE...

That´s my hope and THAT´S my idea of a RECOVERY.