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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Monday, January 31, 2005

A letter from heaven




My dear blogland friends:

This is just a little note to let you know I´m great, happy and having a wonderful time here at my downtown appartment. Since I arrived here last friday night, everything has been joy and fun.

Now, in this rainy sunday afternoon, and after having lunch, while my buddy is taking a nap and Manu, the guy who´s living with us, is in his bedroom playing soft melodies on his guitar (he´s pretty good!) I decided to open my old laptop (its a piece of history, it deserves to be part of a museum, it works with windows 3.11!!!for God´s sake!) the same one I used to write my novel, and start this message.

This weekend has been a little less wild than the last one, maybe because I tried not to have so many friends visiting me all the time. I love to have guests, and during the week, I´m so looking forward to enjoy their company but, as my buddy says: “Ian, you have no limits”, And I must admit it, sometimes (yeah, sometimes) he is right. (thank God he doesn´t speak english, he´ll never know I´m admitting he´s right! ).

Every weekend, my appartment turns into a big parade of people coming from all sides of the city to see me (remember I´m staying at my parents durin the week, and it´s very difficult to get there if you don´t have a car, so I always ask my friends to wait until weekend to see me in downtown).And I love it! I adore to be sorrounded by the people I love and, can´t wait to see them all again, the problem is that a weekend just have 48 hours.
I ussually spend saturdays and sundays from meeting to meeting. Hour after hour, my friends come along and stays with me talking about our lives without stop, like a group of parrots inside a cage. This is for me like nothing had happend in my life (no fucking illness) as if I were living here again (this place was always full of people) .
The point is that after a whole evening of joy and laughter, I ended absolutely exhausted and then is when my problems starts, because, one of the main collateral effects of the drugs I´m taking is to get over-exited very easily. Emotions are very hard to control and usually it´s impossible for me to sleep more than four or five hours togheter.

Iit´s very complicated, think about living inside a cristal bubble, where everyone is worried about you, trying hard to avoid all things that could possibly affect you, without reading papers or watching the newss. y know it sounds utopic, ideal. but that´s my life during the week, and believe me... is NOT that good.
Even though my entire family is doing their best to make me feel good and safe (I´m not complaining , of course) this (weekends) is the life I´m missing.

And despite being not very healthy, I´m still organizing meetings (while I was writting this,
Nora and her husband called... I invited them for dinner... my husband will kill me!!).
heheheheh ok, I won´t sleep easily tonight, what the hell...

Monday afternoon, right after nap time.

Here I am again, alone in the living room, it´s still raining outside, Buddy is working, Manu is sleeping (he stayed with me the whole day, cocked for me, and took care of me all the time) I´m taking my coffe as IIhear
ESPEND LIND old records.
Last night dinner was lovely and thank God, I´m not that exhausted as I thought I would be. people left at 1 am (not too late).
I woke up this morning thinking who I was going to call for todays lunch and coffe time... but I decided I had enaugh for this weekend... after all, I´m here to relax... don´t you think?
YES Buddy.... sometimes I DO have limits...
GREETINGS TO YOU ALL

XXX-OOO-XXX
IAN

Friday, January 28, 2005

IAN´S TWIGLIGHT ZONE: TODAY- 6 degrees of separation II "The Revenge" FINAL CHAPTER

NOTE: to be readed after IAN´S TWIGLIGHT ZONE: TODAY- 6 degrees of separation II "The Revenge"



click on the image above to read the first part of this freaking story
the freaking story...

OK, now you already know three diffrent stories, from very distant momeNts of my life, without any related details (only the fact that, if you think about this, Minessotta is close to Iowa...but, let me tell you, it´s not important

here... the STRANGE CASE OF IAN´S FREAKY FATE goes further than that.) and is scary...
Everything mixed up one saturday night in 2003, but first, let me start talking about DECEMBER 2001, righ before story3 began.

Some of you may recall all the tragic affairs Argentina went trough during those days. We had like 6 diffrent Presidents in a week, people killed in the streets, fires, and stuff... those were the darkest days I can remember... so sad and so unfair for all we love this country...By that time, Nikky, my son, and I were connected by MSN Messenger almost everyday, so we were really up to date about everything that had happenned in our lives since he took the plane to USA. So, he knew I met Spencer (story3) two weeks before xmas.

In one of those dates i had with this american boy, the story of my son living in IOWA came up and then he told me he had some friends in IOWA CITY that he used to visit a lot, and he offered me that, if I wanted, he would deliver a pakage or something to Nikky next time he goes to IOWA.
HERE you got the first connection, but believe me. it´s nothing compared to what s coming.
I told Nikky about Spencer ´s offer and this chance to send him some stuff he wanted from me (a few videos i had, pictures,etc). But I never did it... after a few weeks, I lost Spencer´s email, and he had to change his hotel several times (BA was really dangerouse those days) and we lost contact (I wasn´t that exited about him, maybe...)
SO..Nikky knew there was a Minessotta guy who had friends in IOWA, who had met his father in BA during dark DECEMBER 2001. that´s all you need to remember...

IT´S JULY 2003 - FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THREE YEARS NIKKI CAME TO BUENOS AIRES JUST FOR A FEW DAYS
Imagine how happy I was to finally hug my son after all this time, I was in heaven.
AS you may thought, I had to face the fact that I was not the only person in Argentina who had been missing Nikki so badly... and I had to admit I was freakily jealous.
Nikki´s days and night were full of meetings, parties, and friends that came from all the corners of BA just to see him. BUT thank god!, he always found a moment to came by my appartment (I was already married with my buddy) to have dinner with us or to take me out
.
SATURDAY NIGHT (IAN ARE YOU STILL A)LIVE!!
My dear friends... this is the night I realized that my life deserves a big fat bright place in the FATE JOKES podium. (if that crappy thing exists).

Nikki came to take me to a pub to have a drink with Andy (his best friend) and a few guys he had met at the disco the night before.
When we were in the car he said:"oh Dad, guess who i met at a birthday party this afternoon?"SPENCER FROM MINNNESSOTTA!!!!!!

SITUATION: remember those guys he had met at the disco just one nigth before? well, one
of them had invited Nikki to join him to a birthday party of a friend (that, of course, Nikki had never met before). This party, who the hell knows why was full of non-speaking-spanish people, and one of them,the one who started to speak to Nikki, was the same tall, blonde, babyfaced american guy i had met two years before. Spencer was again travelling around south america and he was at this party
because HE WAS JOINING HIS FRIEND FROM THE CHAT, WHO WAS A FRIEND OF THE BIRTHDAY PARTY GUY. (wich means he didn´t even know that guy... what the fuck was he doing there??? and what about Nikki??? two days before that he never
knew he was going to be in that party!!! Scary uh?... just wait
I was amazed in that car thinking in all the chances that had to happened to join Nikki and Spencer in a birthday party of someone both of them didn´t know, in buenos Aires, so far from their country, both travelling for just a few days in my country....and that my name came up in their conversation!!!!!!! I almost lost my sanity.

SATURDAY NIGHT (IAN ARE YOU SURE YOU STILL A)LIVE!! CONTINUES..
Ok, we were in the car on our way to the pub, Nikki was talking about all the things he had been chatting wieh Spencer, and I was still in shock.
we finally got to the pub (full of people) and as Nikki and Andy were trying to get a table I started to walk around... just to see who was there (as I do everytime i go there, lots of my friends choose that pub every weekend as a pre-dance stop).
20 minutes later I was still mixed in the croudly place when, suddenly, someone touched my shoulder to call my eye as he said with an unfamiliar but recognizable and so particulary accented voice: "so... you are here!"
AT THIS POINT YOU CAN´T BE SURPRISED IF I TELL YOU THAT SPENCER WAS RIGHT IN FROnT OF ME SAYING HELLO AFTER TWO YEARS.I almost pee on my pants, I was in shock.
we started to talk, he told me he didn´t wanna go out that night but, after the birthday party, his friend from the chat asked him to join him again in the disco, and insisted in have a drink at the pub first...
MORE SCARY FACTS
.HE DIDN´T PLAN TO GO OUT ThAT NIGHT, but he was there talking to me
THERE ARE LIke A THOUSAND PUBS IN BA, but he was there talking to me
I WAS SUPOSSED TO BE ON MY TABLE IN THE HIDDEN SIDE OF THIS PUB, but he was there talking to me.

SATURDAY NIGHT (IAN, NOW WE CAN SEE YOU ARE NOT A)LIVE!! ENDS..

You may be thinkig I forgot to tell you something... no. I know this story is hard to believe, but it gets worst, remember story2? GUS,the stutterer guy?? ok... read it again an come back here...

well, I was talking a little more relaxed with Spencer, like an hour after he found me and I asked about his friend from the chat. he told me they had been chatting for years, that he lived outside this city, and that he was in BA just for that weekend. He came to BA with his boyfriend from the town to finally met Spencer in person.
Spencer: "oh there he is, look, the one who s hugging that guy"

Remember Gus wrote me he had met someone? GUESS WHO???? i wanted to cry....
this chat friend turned out to be mi ex bf´s bf!!! who came here that wekend to be with Spencer.
ANd GUESS WHO HE WAS HUGGING RIGTh IN THE MOMENT WHEN SPENCER MADE ME LOOK AT HIM??? OF COURSE!!!!!! GUS THE STUTTERER!!

TOO MUCH, RIGHT? CAN U HEAR THE TWIGLIGHT MUSIC?
(TIRITIRI-TIRITIRI-TIRITIRI)

later that night i had a very nice conversation with Gus for the first time
in three years
and it was great to know he was happy.

ok..
story1
Nikki is still in US, graduated, and planning to move to NY. we talk regulary
as we always did... i´m so proud of him. love has no distances.
story2
Gus is still livig in Tandil, he broke up with this guy like a year ago, and
started his own business. we still in touch by msn. yes, he still stutters,
but he´s so sweet at it, that you don´t mind.
story3
Spencer came to BA several times since then... somebody told me he bought an
apàrrtment here. but I never saw him again after I got married... besides
that freaky 2003 night.I knew NIKKI spent a weekend with him and some friends on a cabin he has in a lake and that they r still in contact. remember Spence has friends in IOWA.

AND I...
I M HERE... BREAKING EVERY BRAIN CELL TRYING TO WRITTE THIS THING DOWN... I
HOPE I DIDN´T BORED YOU.

Lemmetellya..
it was a pain in the ass!!!!!!!!! but I enjoyed writting it.
I hope at least to get 10 comments!!!!!!!
I love you
IAN
(i´m leaving again for the weekend, see u on monday!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

MY DEAR INCREDIMAIL: FUCK YOU!

Sorry. but I´m totally pissed off.



My fucking Incredimail broke down and ate my contact listt, saved emais from all of you and, for some reason, I can´t install it again... so


FUCK YOU INCREDIMAIL SYSTEM!!!

IAN´S TWIGLIGHT ZONE: TODAY- 6 degrees of separation II "The Revenge"



WELCOME to another freaky true story.In this case, there are a lot of details that take us to whole new stories, and, as an effort to avoid long and boring descriptions, i had to skip them.
so, if u have any questions or doubts or maybe you are interested in some
special item. let me know.

6 DEGREES OF SEPARATION
CASE2:

STORY1. YUP, I HAVE A teenage SON.

before you all run to get an exorcist, or a mental institution, Ill start to point this clear. Life gave me one of the most wonderful gifts I ever had: the love of a son.This is a very long story, full of joy and sadness, love and hate, tears an laughs. But for the moment, all you need to know about Nikki (my son) is:I met him when he was 17 and right away I became some kind of protector to
him, I was always there giving support and advice, helping him to get through a very particular family situation. (a very hard-to-live one, like taken from a movie). I was amazed with this little guy, and suddenly he was an important part of my life.
In the meantime he won a very important scholarship to study in IOWA-USA! so,
we started to get the idea of living apart from each other in the following
years. As the day of departure became closer... this "FAMILY SITUATION" became worst
and worst, so nikki spent a few nights at my home with my family.
In one of those endless nights he decided that, from that moment and further I woul be his father, that everytime he would think of me, he would do it as if I were his own father... and that was as crazy as sweet.
since that night he calls me dad. and, believe me, i love him as my own son. Now he´s livig in IOWA, he has graduated a few months ago and he´s planning to hit the big apple.

AND AS HIS FATHER, I CAN´T BE MORE PROUD OF HIM.


OK, TIPs TO REMEMBER:

IAN´S SON
IOWA-USA
NIKKY CAME BACK TO BA ONLY TWICE IN THREE YEARS, JUST FOR A FEW DAYS.

STORY2. "YOUR BF IS SO CUTE...BUT WHY IS HE SO SHY?"

no, He wasn´t shy... he just had a "talking problem", since he was a kid.
Everytime he got nervous, he just coulDn´t speak... so, when we went to a party, a meeting or even out to dinner, and he had to deal with people he didn´t know... he Just lost his voice, or he started to stutter.
Now I´m writting about it and (evil me) laugh a lot, but I was really worried about him. His name was Gus, and he was very kind and sweet, we were dating for around three or four months until he had to move to Tandil, a city located 400 km from BA. and we decided to broke up. It was like 5 years ago... and never heard about him since then... just a few emails He wrote telling me he was ok and that he had met someone there...

TIPS TO REMEMBER:

GUS, THE STUTTERER (2000)
MOVED TO TANDIL, FAR FROM BA
NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN

STORY3. THE GUY FROM THE ICED FARM
December 2001, Spencer, a very nice, cute, tall, blond and babyfaced young
man from Minessota-USA , decided to escape from the cold of the north and
came to enjoy BA hot summer.,.. and guess who started to date with in this
city?? yes, the owner of this blog was hunting turists that week (silvana, i´m
joking, shut up!). we had a few dates, went dancing, dinner etc. Then he went
back to USA and never saw him again.

TIPS TO REMEMBER:
SPENCER, BABYFACED(dec 2001)
MINESSOTTA!!!!!!!! USA
TRAVELING JUST FOR TWO WEEKS IN BA
NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN

.UNTIL.... fate made a joke with my life (again). As you can read, this three
stories are completely diffrent from each other, diffrent guys, diffrent
ages, diffrent cities, diffrent countries!!!!!!

CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW THEY COULD BE RELATED?

THE WHOLE FREAKING STORY IS COMING IN THE NEXT POST.
STAY TUNED!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I´m back

RELAX
Good morning sunshine! I´m here again, at my parents (on my once-upon-a-time-there-was-a-teenager room).
It´s crazy, and at the same time a little sad, to feel how much you can miss little things that early, you didn´t even notice. From the taste of the coffe in the morning to the skyblue colored light that fills my apartment bedroom trough the courtains. Yes, that was my everyday life a few months ago...
OK, I depressed you all again, hehehee I´M FINE! and extremely happy to have spent a wonderfull weekend at my place, surrounded by all those "little things" and above all them, LOVE.
It was very touchy to check my emails when I got back finding frases like "I hope you had an incredible weekend in the city!!" or "Do not give up"... thank you guys, I won´t... life is brighter because of you, and yes, you gave me the strenght to keep on. you know who you are. THANK YOU.
WEEKEND IN DOWNTOWN:
  • Saturday afternoon: After spending the day togheter, my buddy had to go to work, so I stayed home with Andrea (Queen Elizabeth) who came "to take care of me" in the meantime when my husband was working. (wich means to share a lot of mates and laugh about all the people we know like two cruel bitches having a great time). Then Fery came and join us for a few hours. I met this great guy in the chat and I´m very happy to have found such an icredible kind person, besides he stops the traffic looking so damned good. (as Sil says: "like in a gay porn cover". yes, a very nice way to say "HOT STUFF" Don´t you think?) . The three of us stayed having sugared mate talking about everything without stoping for about three hours. (it was fu!) until he left.
  • Saturday night (live!): Dinner with Andrea, Manu (another cuttie, who´s staying for a while at my apartment. He´s so nice wit us, we met him in one of the latest productions I´ve been part of, and we became friends right away, now he´s living with us until he finds an apartment to rent) and Martha (my flat neighbour, she lives next door and is more than just a friend, is like an extension of my mother! I just can´t live without her) We enjoyed dinner togheter and remained at the table until 3.30am! talking an talking and talking and talking...
  • Sunday: breakfast in bed, honneymoon afternoon and the visit of another new Jewell I foun on my way: DINA (I won´t post about how I met her because I don´t really want to embarress her... I´ll just say that it was a very sweet situation at the wedding of two friends we have in common - it was the first legal gay wedding for both of us-) DINA BROUGHT ME PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM!!!!! y favorite! and we ate it as predators! I love you!. Dina is so magicall, for a moment it was hard too me to think how did we get this far, knowing each other and getting everyday more surprissed about how similar and crazy we are. Then my family came home (to take me to church) and they took me out o a car ride while my buddy was cooking dinner. We ate all togheter and they (parents and my two little brothers) left. I had a hot bath (throwing water at my buddy until he was so pissed of to actually want to drown me) and went to sleep.
  • monday: I slept the whole morning and spent the day with my buddy and Manu. Then, Andrea (who had been out from work earlier than ussual) came along, so we started again with the whole mate thing. A few hours later, my designated nurse for the evening, AUGUSTO (yes, the same one I told you about in my TWILIGHT ZONE post), came home surprice to find my appartment full of people (I was supposed to be alone, that´s why we asked him to came and take care of me -yup, like a fucking baby-) and guess what he brought me? PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!!!!!! so we stayed having mates and peanut butter until my father came to drive me home.

So... this was my SPA RESORT EXPERIENCE. A little of fresh air to this stucked atmosphere I´m breathing lately...

I started to write my sequel of TWIGLIGHT ZONE post and I found it very hard. There are a lot of tiny details that cannot be ignored but each one of them refers to a new whole fucking sstory... so i´m trying my best to make them short not to bored you... so, i´m on my way...

see you all soon

take care

IAN.-

Friday, January 21, 2005

Mi Buenos Aires Querido*

. nightshot of the obelisque. If you look closer, you can see my appartment window on this pict.
As some of you may know, since my ilness started I had to move back to my parentss house out of town, in Ciuad Evita (yeah.. that´s its ridiculous name) a very nice neighbourhood 20 minutes highway time from my beloved downtown BA. (where my cuttie two bedrooms appartment is).
Finally, after a long time, I´m going to spend this weekend there. And I just can´t wait!
To be home agasin is like holydays in some spa resort (without mud bathing and stuff). it will be time to relax, time to think, and time to enjoy little things such as slow music, breakfast in bed, napping and the greatest of them all: the love of my husband.
God, I miss my life!
FRIENDS: First of all, thank you so much for all the comments and emails I got, full of the kindest words, related with my grandmothers death. Anonymous Coworker asked if there was something you can do to help me, and I gotta say buddy, you already did it. Those words made me feel I had to keep on moving. Can´t thank you all enough.
Secondly, I_ wont be postig until tuesday, so, I´ll miss u a lot! (I´ll try to come back with a sequell of my TWIGLIGHT ZONE post, yes! I´ve got more creeepy real stuff. ). In the meantime, you still have my "80´s game" and I hope to find my haloscan comment box full of oldies&unforgettables 80´s titles.
So... this is it for now...I´ll see you next week (a new beginning). and STAY TUNED!
I LOVE U.
IAN

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Ok, this will be brief...


This morning, "Elsita" , my grandmother, the most important women in my life after mom, the one I love the most, my guide and muse since I was a child, the "marquise", the lady who teached me not to be affraid of life, the one who showed me that love-til-death-do-us-part DOES exists, passed away.
She would have been 76 next thursday.


I´m devastated, but happy to KNOW she is finally besides the love of her life again, my grandpa.

I WILL MISS YOU FOREVER. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

ELSA RAMIREZ DE SCELZI

27-01-1930 _ 20-01-2005
R.I.P.

TIME MACHINE - The 80´s Game

And we tought we were cool
This morning I woke up with a very curious need (yes, I need a shrink, I know... or maybe to get laid more often...) I wanted to open a new playlist ibcluding only 80´s music, I wanted a playlist full of old hits, those u don´t even remember that existed. Those that are hidden in some warmth corner of our memories...
BUT THERE WAS A PROBLEM....(why the hell tere´s always a problem??????)
I´M UST 25 YEARS OLD (1979), SO... I WASN´T OLD ENOUGH TO ENJOY THOSE SONGS AS I AM DOING IT NOW. And I discover that it was a little hard for me to remember names and titles such as Martika(Toy Soldiers), Tasmine Archer (Sleepping Satelite) or Kim Carnes(Bette Davis Eyes).
A little upset with my weak memory and keen on the idea of making a memorabble hit-to-death playlist, I started to ask all my MSN friends worldwide this silly question:
"tell me the first five 80´s songs that you can recall right now"
And the results were very interesting, considering they have diferent ages, thery don´t know each other and they are from diferent parts of the world... there is one thing they have in common: " They love the 80´s.
HERE´S THE RESULTS:
Silvana - B.A. Argentina (she just answered this,)
All DURAN DURAN songs, and you got more tan five there!
Michael - N.York USA (sexyboy!)
  1. URGENT.
  2. AFRICA (the Toto song)
  3. REAL MEN
  4. PIANO MAN
  5. THRILLER.

Dina - B.A. Argentina (blond ambition)

  1. LET THE RIVER RUN
  2. WHAT A FEELING - FLASHDANCE.
  3. FAME
  4. FIRST TOUCH, FIRST LOVE (COKE COMMERCIAL).
  5. WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GOGO (G. MICHAEL)

Erico - B.A. Argentina (cutie!)

  1. enjoy the silence - depeche mode
  2. soda stereo - ciudad de la furia (arg)
  3. fito paez - giros (arg)
  4. sweet dreams - annie lennox
  5. duran duran - ordinary world

Luis & Ducky Carballude (happy marrriage does exist!)

  1. never say goobye (bon jovi)
  2. yesterday (guns n´roses)
  3. la chica del bikini azul (Luis Miguel)
  4. We will rock you (Queen)
  5. I'll be there for you (Bon Jovi)

LeoTom - Junín Argentina (yeah... the town where Evita was born)

  1. billy jean (m jackson)
  2. Careless Whispers (Wham)
  3. lunes por la madrugada (los abuelos de la nada (arg)
  4. no todo lo que brilla es oro (g.i.t.)(arg)
  5. .... i think i accidentally erased it...

Dekel - Tel-Aviv. Israel (ANGEL)

  1. samantha fox - touch me.
  2. madonna - la isla bonia
  3. bangels - eternal flame
  4. a-ha - take on me
  5. soft cell - tainted love

Guillermo - B.A. Argentina (guille rules!)

  1. Material Girl
  2. Private Idaho
  3. Joshua's tree
  4. Ui Ui Ui (redondos) (arg)
  5. Mañanas de abasto (Sumo)(arg)

George - Tel-Aviv Israel (Thee sweetest guy in the world)

  1. aha-take on me
  2. sanra-maria magdalena
  3. scorpions-wind of change
  4. modern talking - brother Louie
  5. madonna-whos that girl

LPC - Parana Argentina (I love u!)

  1. Im through with love, Eric Carmen
  2. Bridge to your heart - Wax
  3. it´s over - level 42
  4. father figure, george michael
  5. Africa - 1927

Wilco - Amsterdan Holland (Sweet baby)

  1. purple rain.prince
  2. madonna. like a player
  3. queen, bohemian rhapsody

Daniel . Colombia (can´t remember the city)

  1. JENNY´S GOT A GUN aerosmith
  2. don't cry .guns n roses
  3. any are u ok . michael jackson
  4. alphaville - big in japan

Javi - Cordoba Argetina (zandungaaa)

  1. Never Can Say Goodbye; GLORIA GAYNOR
  2. She Works Hard for the Money; DONNA SUMMER
  3. Cherish; KOOL & THE GANG
  4. I'm Coming out; DIANA ROSS
  5. Break It Down Again; TEARS FOR FEARS

BETH - Iowa USA (Beware, she´s wearing pink)

  1. love in an elevator. aerosmith
  2. madonna - holiday
  3. electric youth - debbie gibson
  4. purple rain - prince
  5. U2 - sunday bloody sunday (that's 80's..right?? or 70's?)

Maxwell - London U.K. (gentle soul)

  1. eagles . hotel california
  2. crowded house. don´t dream is over
  3. bette davies eyes. Kim Carnes
  4. bonnye tyler. total eclipse of the heart
  5. eurithmics. sweet dreams

I think you had enough of this for now. I invite you all to post your top five 80´s songs on my comments, so I could keep getting itunes to add.

Laer I´ll tell you all about this worldwwide experment (thoughts, conclussions, etc.) Until then... stay tuned and don´t forget your trashy ripped jeans and your hairspray!

kisses

IAN.



CLICK TO ENLARGE.-


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENE!!!!!!!

Today is RENE´s 28th Birthday and after searchnig pictures about cakes and baloons (yuk) for hours in Google trying to find a good one to ornament this post, I decied, as a gift for this maevalous women, to add a picture of her love IAN THORPE.

ISN´T HE JUST SLUTTY IN THIS POSE?
Happy Birthday RREEEEENEEEEEEE!!!!!
we love ya!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

IAN´S TWILIGHT ZONE -TODAY: "6 Degrees of separation"

WELCOME TO MY SOUL sould have been named WELCOME TO IAN´S MAGICAL TRAGICAL CRAZY AMAZING FREAKY WORLD. and I think I skipped a lot of adjetives on that title...
This will be a post serie dedicated exclusively to all those incredible things that happened in
my life (the ones that deserve to be part of THE TWILIGHT ZONE)

6 degrees of separation
CASE 1.

A few years ago I started dating a very nice guy, I mean VERY. so we end it up in a formal(?)
relationsip wich in that stage of my life (I think I was 20) meant "I have his appartment keys" I don´t think I have memorable stuff about this guy (Matt) to share with you, except the fact
that, a few days before we first met, he was "dating" another guy (let´s call him Ronnie).
I knew everything about Ronnie but his name, Matt told me about him, that he had a crash on the guy, that he was really confused about the whole meeting situation (At this point I gotta say
that our first date was not actually a "date". I found Matt some months earlier on a chatroom
that I used to visit a lot. we became chat friends an then, someday, we decided to have dinner
togheter and believe me, THAT WAS ALL...then, we fell in love -or whatever you wana call it).

Ok, we were a couple but, as both of us were really known in the chat, we decided to keep it
secret, (I insisted on that!), just to avoid mega queer gossips. And this pact between us lasted
until our chat channel annual reunion, when we said what tha hell! and went to the party as
formal boyfriends, calling everybody´s attention when we entered the room.
everybody...including Ronnie.

FIRST SCARY FACT: In that party I realized that Ronnie was actually a "friend" of mine, that used to chat with me everyday about "the man he loved who had dumped him because a son of a bitch had stolen his love from him". YEAHHHH I was that son of a bitch... and I didn´t know it until that night. Can you believe it?
Another thing to point out is that was the night they saw each other again for the first time
since I came up into Matt´s life... and, of course, the beginnig of my nightmare.

RESUMING: Matt felt he was a mountain of shit, bla bla bla, that he had played with Ronnie´s feelings, bla bla bla... and without telling me, they started to speak on the phone again... see each other again... and you-know-what again...

THE RESULTS: (readed on loud with my best VELMA KELLY´S TRIALVOICE) I came home this one night and found Matt a little nervious, yes, I was there earlier than usual, and I noticed he was uhhhh stupiderrrrrrrr or just a little confused, with a pathetic scratching-my-head look. "we need to talk" (I hate that frase, guys why r u still using it?) NOT ONLY I WAS BEING CHEATED THE LAST TWO WEEKS, THAT NIGHT, RONNIE WAS COMING TO HIS APPARTMENT TO "HAVE A TALK" WITH ME..
People says there´s always a first time for everything... and as I´m not a violent kind of guy, i had never punched anyone in mylife... until that night. I LEFT MATT WITH HIS LEFT EYE LIKE A FUCKING PANDA BEAR, AND (LIKE ELVIS) LEFT THE BUILDING. (then I found RONNIE on the lobby, I just said "take care of him" and never saw neither of them again in my life.).
END OF THE STORY but not this post.

Matt passed to inmortality as THE MAN WHO CHEATED ON ME, and I must admit that he really broke my
heart, ´cause treason is something I just can´t stand.
SO, the title of this post will take us to my ex husband: Augusto (I got married twice).
We were happily sharing a nice appartment in the very heart of B A Downtown. Augusto deserves a special chapter on my personal history... yes, after a while thigs didn´t work out, but our love is like the ones you find in movies, and I´m still blessed with his friendship today.

NOW WE CAN GO INTO SECOND SCARY FACT: Augusto and I were talking during dinner about chatrooms, internet, and related stuff, so the story about MATT came up, wihout details, just resuming how crazy that coincidence about Ronnie as my chat friend was.
Days after that we had this conversation:

A. Ian, u used to chat in Undernet channels right?
ME.Yes. why?
A. it´s nothing... I think u know a friend of mine who used to chat in there...
ME. really? what nickname?
A. oh, I don´t know... he lives in (ADRESS) he has a flat.. he´s 29
ME. (blush like a mandril´s ass) and his name is...MATT?
A. oh, so you know him!
ME. (paralized) ABU, MATT is the one I told you about... remember the other night?
A, oh... your ex bf.
He became a little whiter... and remained silent for a few minutes, then he went to our library
and took a vhs from it... and said"let me introduce you to FATTY MATT" and showed me the vhs cover. It was a very old picture of a group of students and I readed on loud "ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PROM 1992" and yes, the childish versions of Augusto and MATT were togheter in the picture. THEY WERE BEST FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE
9 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANTED TO SHOOT MYSELF WITH A DAMNED BAZOOKA! AND THAT´S IT, HOW IN A MILLION YEARS THEY WERE SUPOSSED TO KNOW EACH OTHER??????? AND BE FRIENDS FROM CHILHOOD! IT WAS TOO MUCH!

i can still remember him telling himself: "I CAN´T BELIEVE MY BOYFRIEND FUCKED FATTY MATT...

STAY TUNED FOR MORE TWIGLIGTH STORIESSSSSSSSSSSS!
JUST LIKE ON TV but these are real!




.





Sunday, January 16, 2005

LADIES & GENTLEMAN: "I´M HAPPY"

Sorry to bother yo all again with this, but I´M SOOOOOOO HAPPY THIS MORNING!!!!!

remember this post?

well. this morning, after 23 diffrent fake (fucking) files I downloaded I finally saw this damned movie!!!

I woke up with this "file download complete" sign o my screen and, as I did the last 23 times, I played it on WmPLAYER, but instead o the usual ERROR sign, the screen started to show one of the gretest musicals ever written but now in a motion picture.
It took my breath away!

.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

LOVE FLOATING IN BLOGLAND

ANONYMOUS COWORKER & ACWGF
TEXAS BISCUIT & ROMANTIC FELLA



.

During last week this two wonderfull neighbours of blogland announced their "RINGY SCENES", sharing with us the happyness of that magical moment

CONGRATS GUYS!!

I´M HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Bitching out - If MADONNA says so....

NOTE: To be readed after Bitching out-"The year of the fall"

.

Last year I learned a new word REINVENTION. MADONNA decided to name her latest world tour (a sor of tribute to her own career) like that and I found it a little obvious becasuse, if we think about her carrer in the last twenty years, she´s been doing nothing but REINVENTING HERSELF all the time. And it seems to be a working ´cause, besides you like her or not, nobody is able to discuss the fact that she is still at the mountain top. Like she says in one of her lyrics...

REINVENTION a whole new concept to me...

When my ilness started in the early days of may 2004, all that I had learned untill then just
blowed up on my face... but I was still breathing, and, tagically for me, the world was still
spining and the sun was still comin up every morning... so I finally had to REINVENT MYSELF.

I ´ve been forced to adapt my mind, my soul, my thoughts, my LIFE to this new "condition", I´ve been forced to adopt this new WAY OF LIFE I´m living with... but, instead of changing every single dream, every thougth or plan... I Just REINVENTED THEM.

I found myself facing facts like " Ian, you are an actor.. this is what you do, but now you can´t
control your body"
or "I´m sorry Ian, but it seems you are not able to sing again in a long
time, this condition affected your voice and soon it will be hard to speak clearly
" or "dancing?? are you not listening to me? thank god if you don´t end in a wheelchair!"...And I discovered that unconciously, I was searching new posibilities, new ways of expression..
that´s how my novel had born.

Writting... that was my first time scape, my way of filling my needs of expression... I found a
new creative space where to calm down my urges of making something priductive and, at the same time, joyfull in my life.
Then, I translate this new feeling to all dif´rent aspects of my existence: I just hold on to all
positive issues I could find, even though they were hard to reach.
And here I am.
I think the answer is to accept every obstacle, being smart enough to face them without avoid them, REINVENTNG OURSELVES to reach the way to jump and keep running.
This is not about faith, magic or special powers. As I said in one of my comments I AM NOT A SUPERHERO. And I´m not writting this especting cheers an congrats for what i´ve done, this is just to show you all that ITS POSSIBLE. I´M UST A REGULAR GUY AND I COULD MAKE IT. of course this is not over yet. and it´s harder everyday... but as I told Anonimous Coworker I WON´T GIVE UP!
I JUST WISH THIS COULD HELP SOMEONE... AS I TOLD U: THERE MUST BE SOME POSITIVE STUFF FROM ALL THIS SHIT I´M LIVING THROUGH!

I LOVE YA! STAY TUNED........... and REINVENT YOURSELVES

IAN.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

MY OWN "CELL BLOCK TANGO"

After readding the comments I got on my post "THE MUSIC GAME", and to spice up a little my blog after I depressed you all talkig about my illness, I decided to share with you some pictures taken when I performed that wonderfull "Cell Block Tango" from CHICAGO THE MUSICAL.
I HOPE I LIKE THEM.
TO RENE, TEXAS BISQUIT AND DEE

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!!!!!!!!
..
click HERE to read the lyric
click HERE to see the pics

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Bitching out - The year of the fall

HOW CAN ONE GUY TURN FROM THIS...

TO THIS!:

yes... that´s still me
IN JUST ONE YEAR

2004 was one of the crappiest years I had to live throw.

I started last year trying to survive to one of this-close-to-get-divorced situations, with a wonderfull trip to the IGUAZU FALLS with my Israel ANGELS, who helped me so much to get trough all my those days shit. And it was terrific! we had so much fun togheter that I almost forgot my husband´s name... (THAT´S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR!) so, that was the beginning... let´s say 2004 started well.

We finally got back togheter... we had our home storms, but we worked them out and now everything is ok on our relationship, and I´M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT! (despite being the everyweek " desperate housewives" inspiration, hhehe).

In april I decided to go back to college, and I started studying again a new carrer, and it felt great! to be back in the ailes with books in my hands... i loved it. (by that time I had lots of finnantial problems related with my former work, so this desition was a real hard-to-be-taken one ´cause, as you may know, private universities are not cheap... and I couln´t think in going back to suffer all the burocracy and shitty issues of the argentinian public education again.) Untill this point, year went well.
May started with a new office job, I had my classes, new college friends and everything was ok. then, another great thing happened, I did some auditions (after a long time without performing) an I got the part for a new musical production. (maybe the most of you don´t know that i´m a singer/actor). I was incredibly happy to be on stage again!. So I started rehearsing lots of hours per week. Untill this point, year went well.
And then...
I woke up some may morning.. and I felt something strange on my left arm... "it´s nothing" I thought, "it´s just some bad move I did on last night rehearsal"... when that feeling came across my left leg and left side of my face I almost pee on my pants and run to the hospital.
After a thousand tests they discover a SPOT on my brain. It wasn´t a tumor or somthing like that, but I had a SPOT on my brain.
So
  • the spot happened to be a brain injure caused by...... nobody knows it yet.
  • what had started as a strange feeling on my left side became afterwards an almost total paralysis of the whole body.
  • I lost my sight several times (now I have doble-sight)
  • I´m not walking without help...
  • doctors can´t get to a diagnosys yet, it´s a very rare case... (stop bitching it´s not their fault)
  • I started a drug treathment and I´m better now. I can write! (cortizone ... )

ok, I don´t really wanna fall into details about all the things I had to face since this fucking illness came up in my life, and I don´t wanna sound like a DANIELLE STEEL novel but, if I am writting this, is because I feel it could help somebody, to make someone thik about life, about little things.

We are all running our lives, rearching for thigs, especting things, trying to own things, trying to get things, tryin to win thing, trying to fuck things, tryimng to earn things, trying to love tings...

I thought I had them all... I thougt I had everythig, and now I need someone to help me to go to the bathoom...

BUT LET ME TELL U, this won´t stop me. Since I had to quit the play, colllege and of course, my job, I

  • wrote a novel (wich became very popular in lat america -more than 4.000readers!)
  • participate in the production of a teathre show.
  • am writting a new musical script.
  • started writtng this blog, and I enjoy it a lot!.
  • am helping in a new script adaptation of a classic greek tragedy.
  • started a new distance curse on turism.
  • am taking care of chleo, my daughter.
  • started to enjoy litttle things.
  • love... i just love...

I know there are a thousand things that I just skip... but they will come up in the upcoming posts. Be free to ask whatever u like, It´s ok. NOW A NEW YEAR HAS STARTED... AD EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. FOR ALL OF US.

I hope I didn´t bored you... if so, just bitch me by email...I´d love to read that hhehe.

I ´m a little sleepy now... see you next time!

IAN

Sunday, January 09, 2005

IAN´S FORMER CELEBRITIES ESCORT SERVICE

TODAY: "ALF THE HOTTIE"



Yes my friends, since Lynn Tanner introduced him to the world of prostitution in the lates 80´s right after their TV show was cancelled, this little 350 years old Alien, has been making hundreds of men and woman worlwide fantasies come true. Applying all pervert tecniques he learned on his visits to famous bourdelles in MELMAC.
NOW just for this week, you can have him 50% OFF just mention this post.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

The MUSIC Game


This is a funy game first posted by Texas Biscuit, then Anonymous Coworker, Rene and Dee posted their own results on their blogs... so, as a new member of blogland I tried it and the results were...uh... what can I say?... maybe you should take a look and think "what was Ian thinking when he downloaded this crap?!"

So, there you go:

Instructions.:

1. Open up the music player on your computer.

2. Set it to play your entire music collection.

3. Hit the "shuffle" command.

4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing.

That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty.

IAN-IVY´S GAME RESULTS:

  1. Love song for a vampire - Annie Lennox . [I love her voice, a great song came first! thank god!]
  2. Candy - Iggy Pop feat. B´52´s Kate Piersen. [well... I love her hair].
  3. Total eclipse of the heart - Bonnie Tyler [guilty, I love that song. Actually I´m screaming loud "turnn arounnnnnnd"...].
  4. I started a Joke - BEE GEES [ohhh damm! I know I have a better version of this...]
  5. Lucky - Britney Spears. [WHAT THE FUCK???!!! toxic is ok, and the one with Madonna but What is this shit?? ohhhhhhh god! kill me!].
  6. Vogue - Madonna. [Who turned the gaydar on?].
  7. Love scenes - Beberly Craven [poor girl, I need some kleenex here!].
  8. Cell Block Tango - Chicago the Musical [he had it coming!].
  9. Wound in my heart - Propaganda [ohhhhh my gooooooood! I can´t believe this song came up! It´s a very important song for me.. just let me tell you this song was on the radio when I made love for the first time ohhhhh sweet memories from my sweet seventeens!]
  10. Hotel California - Eagles [a classic. nice enough..].

A list full of surprises(?)... Igotta say that I played them all again while I was writting...
they r not that bad except for that Britney bullshit C´mon! that´s not even a song!!
I BEG FOR YOUR PERDON!!!

Friday, January 07, 2005

Where´s the FUCKING RAIN???


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I´ m melting away!!!!!!

I woke up this morning because of a hedious heat burning on my face WTF!!!
NOT ONLY IT WASN´T RAINING... TODAY IS HOTTER THAN YESTERDAY!!

I SWER I WASN´T DOPE LAST NIGHT!!!

god! i need some prozac
.

Waiting for the RAIN


Buenos Aires. A magnificent view of the four cupfuls. Florida and Diagonal Norte Avenue.


Yes, yes, yes... my friends. All of you already read me complaining about nowadays BA helly wheater... Well, finally, after a whole week living inside a fucking concrete-builded-sauna...The sky announces that rain is coming!!!!!

It´s really late, I´m sitting at my bedroom desk where I can see trough the window a beautiful dark violet and clowdy sky. This is one of those moments when you feel like you would stop the time if you want to. Stillness is taking everyting and, for the first time in a long summer, a fresh breeze is moving very slowly the trees.
As a silent witness I turned all the light off and I´m waiting...
... for an absolution
... for more peace in our hearts
... for a new beggining
... for the rain.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

The Three Wise Kings are coming... WTF!


Aren´t they really scary?

They´re here, they ´re queer, get used to them!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.
this means
I DID IT!!!!!!!
but I lost all my old comments... shhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

The "HTML IDIOT" nightmare


"Totally pissed off"

I had to admitt that, in spite of loving computers and internet, I never liked programme stuff, worst if we are talking about that uncomprehensive thing called HTML.
Jesus! Im 25 and I never posted a web site or page without help, can you believe it? yes! this is happening in 2005!
I always had an angel (my friends are angels, you´ll get used to read about them on this blog) that helped me, supported me and had to suffer all my desperated calls, most of them right after midnght, praying for help because "this is not working", "what the fuck did I touch", " I can´t see the changes I did", "what the fuck is xxx error msg?", "oh oh..I THINK I SCREWED IT UP! FUCK!", etc, etc.
Her name is Sil.. poor little thing, and I know she loves me ´cause, for some miracle, she´s still besides me an didn´t kicked my white hairy and geourgeous butt yet, (Im not saying she didn´t want to... several times ).
Another victim of my midnight calls is my friend (Angel) Guillermo, a computer genious like Sil, with the patiece of a... who or what the hell has patience??.
Guille made the html work for me.... and I was like: "looks good this way", "can I put a link here?", "I preffer the other font style", and of course:"oh oh..I THINK I SCREWED IT UP! FUCK!".

But tis time, my dear friends I decided to start this new blog by myself, in part because I wanted to surprise them, or maybe because it was about tiiiiiiimeeeeee for me to grow up and ... well... you know... I tried to do it alone!

OF COURSE I COULDN´T

First I did my best trying to choose a goolooking template. FAILED! [Finally I had to use this one... cute but not cute enough]

Then Rene, the lady who introduce me in blogland and new Angel, gave me some advices related with template stuff and codes, and i could actually use them!!!
DEKY gave me his counter system. wich is still working until now. [maybe that means I did it right]
But it had to happend:
I accidentally broke and lost the whole fucking HTML code TWICE!!!
...yup, i´m an idiot.
I had to call Guille for asistance, but in the end I managed to rebuild the whole thing again by myself.
SO if you see a weird mutation on this site, is not a virus... it´s this fucking HTML IDIOT trying to fix some shit he sure did by mistake.

Ohhh another thing.. now you know how hard it was for this poor soul [me] to add all this funny things to this site, I mean guestmaps, comment holders, etc. PLEASE USE THEMMMM DAMM!!!!!!!!!
Let me know youu are there...
love u all!

thanks ANGELS! [mhhhhh that sounded like fucking Charly....]

A night in hell

.
WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!
B. A. IS BURNING!
last night I couldn´t even sleep, and for all of u that think it was a hotty night, be sure it was!
But don´t be dessapointed when I´m telling u that it had nothing to do with sexual matters.
we had almost 35º C at night!
I couldn´t breath, I´m missing winter so muuch! I would be so happy to live in the cold mountains sorrounded by snow, spinning like Julie Andrewss in the beggining of "The Sound of Music!, but no, I´m stucked in this "big helly apple"

Monday, January 03, 2005

Stupid Traditions: "CLEANING DAY"


picture courtesy by www.dekelsite.com

You know, sometimes there are things people do just because "they have to" or without even thinking what the fuck are they doing or why.
Well Ladies and gentleman, let me show you one of these Argentinean Stupidity Greatest Moments, what I´d like to call: "CLEANING DAY".

Every year, at the end of the last working day of December, a very strange phenomenon occurs in the streets of BUENOS AIRES downtown: If you look at the sky, you would probably be surprised by a "white paper rain". Yes my friends, like in a soccer stadium, but in the streets.
But please don´t run away screaming and trying to find a metereollogyst, ´cause what you really need to get a valuable explanation is a shrink!.

People who works in offices, banks, public admin, etc. collects all kind of papers related with the ending year such as memos, agendas, post-its, calendars, documents, files, etc. and throw them out the window!!

So... in midsummer, BA is covered with a white-as-snow thing that is nothing but GARBAGE!!

A very strange ( interesting?) thing to watch...but not to be proud of.

VIVA ARGENTINA!. WE ARE THE CUTTER, THE BIGGEST, THE CRAZIEST.

oh! I love my country.............

Sunday, January 02, 2005

OK... let´s start this year / BA TRAGEDY

Well... first of all HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! what a pleasure s to feel that fucking 2004 is finally over. what a year! I´m so happy it´s gone!

I started 2005 around people I really love, full of happyness, laughs and great dishes! (Pepe u should be a professional cheff´) but, as all people in this country, I got shocked when I saw the paper on new years eve morning.
180 people died.
700 people injured.
most of them kids and teens.


what fire left behind- piles of shoes from people caught by the flames inside the disco.

There´s just one word that came up to my head since I knew this had happened. And the more I read about it, the more it still punch my brain like a hammer:

UNTHINKABLE
and let me make a little list... IT´S UNTHINKABLE BECAUSE...
  • 6000 people were stucked in a disco that only allows 1200.
  • it was discoteque!, for gods sake, not a concert hall prepared for a rock concert.
  • the emergency exits were locked with chains.
  • the disco roof was covered with flamable stuff such as nylon sheets.
  • disco had no fire emergency system.
  • the crowd was lighting fireworks inside the place...that started fire.
  • there were kids in there! C´MON, who takes a 1 year old kid to a rock concert!! AND LEFT HIM TO A SUPOSSED BABYSITTER WHO IS WORKING IN THE WOMEN BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!!!! nonsenseeeeeeeeee
  • 14 years old kids on a rock concert.. where are their parents? yes I know... looking for them in the morgue right now
  • when the band singer was asked about what had happened he said:" fireworks are part of our music... it had always beeen like this, and it wont change" SWEETY, EVEN THOUGH YOUR LITTLE PETARDS KILLED 180 PEOPLE??? SON OF A BITCH.
  • etc, etc and like 1.000 more etcs.

Now u got my point?

I´m feeling like a fucking NAZI, but I can´t be sorry for them.

The more I think about it, the more I hate this fucking society. And it creeps the hell out of me.

ThANK GOD I WONT HAVE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!