<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d9818034\x26blogName\x3dA+Handicapped+Bitch+in+Recovery!\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://mundodeian.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://mundodeian.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-4184311785851807110', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Ted wanted to see Maria´s PHANTOM cake





OK, it was MY party... SO THE PEOPLE WERE FORCED TO SING.

Mom´s little beast decided to sleep wih me...

Monday, September 26, 2005

"The greatest thing you´ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return..."







It´s not easy for me to start this post, as I told Alexis early by email, I´m speechless. There are times when words are useless and the ones I lived during last weekend took all my words away from me. But blogging is mostly about words, and I´ll try to do my best to find the correct ones to express how happy I am.

A few weeks ago I wrote about what MY BIRTHDAYS mean to me, and how special each one of them were in my life, but this one was oddly diff´rent than the others, and I´ve discovered that just in the right moment when the last of my guests left the house (around 6.00am).
As you may know by now, last year wasn´t an easy year for me. (sweety, if you don´t know what I´m talking about, go read "the year of the fall" on my sidebar).

Yes, this time I had "a few" more things to rise my glass and celebrate, and I found them in the eyes of the people who were there sharing love with me.
It was truly a "celebration of life", a moment full of those feelings impossible to describe.
I am happy. Thank you, my friends, you made it real.
Ian.-


OK...HERE WE GO!
This year the party took place at my parent´s house, in Ciudad Evita. And I thought nobody would ever get to come here, happily, I was wrong. We were 34 without counting a few who came early to say hi and haven´t stayed for the party.


The first one to arrive was My beloved Countess of Navarro, María who brought e a wonderfull "Phantom of the Opera" cake she had made with her own hands. It was absolutely amazing and it took everybody´s breath (including mine). It has all the little details such as a big pipe organ, chandelier, curtains, etc.).






Another big surprise was the presence of my dear friend from uomos.com, Paul, who came with his sweet & lickeable husband, Gregorio, and the glorious Dina.(who brought me a lovely dinosaur and a huge Mantecol I ate the morning after, during breakfast).
Paul, I know you have that silly face on this picture but... honney, you have that silly face in all my pics, i wonder why?





THE GREATEST LOVE (PRESENT) OF ALL:

My go-go girls (the cast of the musical play for children that I am directing to) were the biggest surprise of this wonderful night.

Suddenly, someone made all of us go to the terrace to watch from the balcony (we were on a 1º floor).
There were my girls, in the garden, performing a mini-show and singing a song they had written for me, it was fantastic!
In the picture I am receiving a copy of the song in a cd ( they had secrately recorded it in a studio during the week)

SEXUAL HARRASMENT
is not about SEX

it is about POWER

girls have it

I JUST DON´T!!!

(HELP ME!!!)

I have tons of pictures to share with you all, I´ll be posting them during the week.It was a very long weekend, and I´m still getting surprises, such as a recent phonecall from Iowa, My son nikki called me to say happy birthday.I LOVE YOU NIKKI!!!!!!!!

Oh, another hit was from South Beach, Miami. It seems the regulars from THE PALACE, The coolest place to have fun in Florida, had their own Handicapped Bitch B-day Celebration with free cockteils included. All arrenged by my soulmate Alexis. You can read about this here and here. THANK YOU ALEXIS!!! THANK YOU THE PALACE!!! I know soon I´ll be able to share one of those famous Ditmar´s cockteils with all of you!

STAY TUNED (as always)

I love ya!

Ian

Saturday, September 24, 2005

WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND -B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND - B-DAY WEEKEND

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Dumped (???)


Now it´s oficial: "Ian just can´t have a "normal" Boyfriend like anybody else",

Mr. Di finally called and after another hour of talking abut feelings, fears, insecurities, broken hearts and our actual situations (work, rehab,etc) he told me, between other things, that he´s not ready to start a serious relationship and, even though he felt great last weekend, that didn´t change anything...

Now I´m wondering:" is it me or am I damned to find this kind of tortured souls on my way all the time?"
I just don´t get it, I swer.
I really like this man, why I feel I am making a huge mistake when I put my bets on someone I really care ?.
He says he won´t dissapear, that he wants to stay beside me... I don´t need another friend.
I´m sad. and I hate to admit it.

My B-day party is coming... I gotta focus on next saturday night. SHOW MUST GO ON, SATINE.


HUGS

IAN.-

Monday, September 19, 2005

Mr. Di.

Originally written in spanish.

I just can´t stop watching, even though your body is almost gone between the shadows of my bedroom.
The only light around is this screen and I thank God it is here, giving me the chance to see your face while you are sleeping.
My heart is going to explode, I started trembling again, and I HATE this feeling.
I want to be with you, please let me.
I know this is not the right time for neither of us, I know it, we talked about this tonight. But you are here...
I want to be with you, I´ve changed my mind
yes, I know, it´s not the right time...But you are here...
and I know, you´ll welcome me in your arms tonight...again.
WELL, THAT OR GET OFF MY BED HON!!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Saturday Evening Fever

hello!
This has been a lovely saturday and now, before it ends, I wanna share the fun with you.
This morning I woke up with a smile: My beloved friend from Miami, Alexis, had written me an email telling me that Jesse and Brian (two of the most wonderfull readers I ever had and now, two pieces-of-my-heart owners) had planned a "surprise visit" to South Beach and now they were hanging out all together . In that email alexis promised me to call me and they did it!!!
I´m getting used to Alexis´es sexy "Hannibal Lectered" whispers on the phone and I started missing them during the week (he calls me on weekends) but, when Jesse picked up the phone I was this close to faint away... I´m sorry Jesse! I was so nervous that I couldn´t make a whole understandeable sentence in english!, My speaking disfunction turned worse... poor little Jesse, he was so confused!. Things got back to normal when Alexis picked up the phone again... we talked for a half hour and he finally convinced me to accept his invitation to visit South Beach, we started talking about this a few weeks ago and I was like "mmmmhh I dunno... why don´t you come here? it´s the same distance!!". then he called me bitch... then I call him bitch... then he called me slut... then I called him witch...then he call me a whore... anyway, we love each other and as soon as I could walk without a cane I´m going to Mimi to kick his ass and get a Martini on The Palace.

When we hanged up I went out with my family (Mom, Dad and the kids). We were supossed to go to the country to have some Gaucho stuff but, on our way, we decided to go to a park in the BA southern Coast.

The whole evenning tuned out to be a very relaxing experience, even though I´m not a family guy kind of person, I have to say I really enjoyed spending time with them.

In the pictures above and on the left you can see me having mate (an argentinian infusion) with Mom and Dad (aren´t they just beautifull?)





I´m still trying to find a name to the picture on the right, what about: "FEEL THE HANDICAP POWER!!!!" or maybe: "HEY YOU NEUROLOGICALL ILLNESS, EAT IT!!!"

SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME...


Later, we went to the FERIA, a place with a lot of stands of peopple selling any kind of stuff, clothes, toys, antiques, art stuff, hats and a thousand etc.

and guess what?

I FOUND THE GAYEST STAND EVER.

DISCO BALLS???? c´mon!!

(I´m not sure if it was my acute gaydar or if it was them the ones who have found me!)

The evening ended with more mates an huuuuuge TORTAS FRITAS (another argentinian thing)

Noe I´m waiting for Mr. Di´s call (as every night). YES, he´s still calling me every night for hours. Tomorrow night we are supossed to go together to Maria´s. She´s invited us to dinner celebrating the first night of my B-DAY WEEK. But don´t worry, you´ll know everything about it soon.

I love you all!

Stay tuned!

Ian.-

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Hippo Hunt III - Final Chapter


Hello my beauties!!
Here´s the last HIPPO entry.
This time the questions were harder and a little more...uhh...mmhh... ok, you´ll see them anyway.
Thanks for those wonderfull questions that made me sweat 6 gallons while I was answer them.
Please, remind me never, NEVAAH to do this again... you hear me??? nevahhhhhhh
I LOVE YOU.
(Don´t forget to commen!t)
Ian.
Thank God our little friend got to the lake... he´ll be safe there. He was thinking about how many things were hapenning to him that morning: "this must be some kind of curse ...I knew I shouldn´t have taken that extra pizza slice last night!"Hippo Ian sat under a tree and watched the waves in the water...wait,,, this is a fucking lake, waves are not supossed to be here! OH MY GOD, FOR MUFASA´S ASS´ES SAKE, IS THAT ALEXIS?????!!!
YES, suddenly, in the center of the lake, a big shell ( yes, that´s a shell) came from the depths and when it slowly opened its nacared walls, inside it, laying like a shining pearl, Alexis, "the" Mrs. Astor, was cumbing her long red hair and showing a huge and bright fish tale where her legs were supossed to be... she´s mean now, and when she saw Hippo Ian on the coast, she started her deadly enchanting song:

In the last moments of the planet as we know it, with only seconds left for all of us, whom would you embrace and kiss in the face of THE END?
Wow, since I was a kid I always hate this who-would-you-rescue-from-the-fire questions...
I don´t know... my mother if she was with me... but If you are talking about the loves I had... I think It would be Augusto, my first husband, the guy I wrote about on my
first TWIGLIGHT ZONE post, as he was my lifetime true love, I love the idea of embracing him in the last hour.

What this beautifull Alexis-mermaid didn´t know is that cocodriles are deaf, and that they love big fish... poor lil´goldfish soul... to die like that. Hippo Ian said hi to the cocodrile and thank him, they went highschool together.
*NOISE*are those bells? Holly crap! now what?
_"nothing, my dearchild"
_"Ok, who the hell are you and why are you wearing that huge white and sparkling dress in the middle of the african jungle IN SUMMER???
_ it´s because I´m Tish, your fairy godmother, and I´ll make all your wishes come true...
_ what?
_ yes hippo Ian, look, this is my magic wand... eat it, bitch!
suddenly, with a fast movement, Tish revealed that the "magic wand" was actually a deadly shotgun she had bought a few month before in a "James Bond charity auction" and she started shooting like a mad girl:

I'd like to know if you have ever had a romantic relationship with a woman, and if so for how long.
ok, this would kill half of my readers. YES, I HAD A ROMANTIC RELASHIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN.
Actually I had 4 of them in my life, not very long relationships, This was a long time ago, and they knew I WAS GAY from the begining. but this deserves a post of its own, don´t you think?

Tish could´t run with that huge dress, bad for her, god for the cocodrile. Hippo Ian, who can´t stand blood, started running away while he herd helicopters flying around. From their opened doors, the hunters were aiming at IAN, who felt the burning bullets hitting the floor around him:

thephoenixnyc
What is the meaning of life?
oreo?????? (no matter how dark we could be, there´s always some good thing coming from our inner side)

val
what scent do you usually wear?
Pí by GIVENCHY

Deanne (again)
When are you going to audio blog, so we can hear your voice?
As soon as I could sing again in a properly way I will.

Glitzy
what is your biggest pet peeve?
to sing EVITA songs acording to the action I´m taking.
i.e. While dressing up: "I came from the people, they need to adore me so CHRISTIAN DIORme from my head to my shooooooooes"
while I was in rehab on my wheelchair: "how can I be any use to you now, give me a chance and I let you see how nothing has changed..."

Then, a huge scream came from the jungle...the helicopters left and Hippo Ian, who thought he was safe, stopped his running to hear TED, king of the jungle, calling his name, TED was wearing nothing but a lepard print speedo.He stared at Ian and asked with a taken-from-a-movie voice tone:

How often do you masturbate? With which hand?
hahahaha more often than I´d want to.
I´ve always been lefthanded but, since my illness affeted my arms and hands coordination and sensitivity, I was forced to use my right hand... and I gotta say the experience is weird, when I close my eyes... IT´S LIKE BEING WITH SOMEBODY ELSE!!!

Why do you make derogatory comments about your looks? Do you really feel that way or are you fishing for compliments?
YES, I KNOW I AM NOT FAT,
I ve always been a very thin guy, I never worried about how much did I eat ´cause I was naturally slim...
while I started working in theatre and because of my dancing classes and the rush between performances and auditions, my body started to change and I became a "defined bodyed hotty".
then I got ill, and suddenly, all the fisic activities (dance, running, gym) I had stopped.
plus, the drug threathment was based on cortizone wich has severe secundary effects such as skin spots, pimps, insomnia and liquid retention (that inflates your body like a baloon).
So, in a day or two, I was another person, from a very cute and fuckable stage performer to a big fat assed handicapped bitch. I couldnt recognize myself in the mirror. it was hard.
now, as medication is lowing down, im deinflating... and I dared to post pictures again.
Now I´m going gym everyday (2 hours) because of my rehab planning and after 7 month I´m still looking huge compared to what i use to be.
the hippo thing started as a joke, and you know me, I love to devastate myself in self defense, its not low self steme, its just proclaiming the shit on me before others could do.
So I´m not fishing for cumpliments here!!

When can I get you naked in bed with me?
...

and this is how our brave little friend ran straight to TED reaching for his gun and nobody has ever heard of him again... nobody but the elephant, who says he lives in the US now as a member of TED´s private Hunting Trophyes collection.

TED always knew... hunting Ian only takes a great mucled body, a pair of blue eyes, a loveable smile...and a lepard print speedo.

CLEVER BOY, UH?

THE END

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Ian Daddy


Before half of the B.A. Gay population start screaming like lunatics I gotta say NO, HE´S NOT MY SON. He is DANTE, and some of you may remember me blogging about his born five month ago. He´s my lil´cousin, the newest member of this freaking but loveable argentinian family.(poor child).

Do you see me as a father?

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

blabbering.....


FIREFOX: BITE ME!
After a lot of friends suggesteed me to try it, I finally downloaded the FIREFOX BROWSER only to discover that my blog layout sucks!! and I was oh so proud of my HTML improvements!
I don´t know why the hell my template, that looks good on interner explorer, it´s crossed by awful white lines and half of the things I posted on my sidebar (i.e.my cowntdown clock) are not displayed the way I set´em up. So, if you are using FIREFOX... YOU ARE SCREWED! hehehe cuz I won´t change anything! (I don´t know how *blush*)

COMMENTS:
My beloved readers:
One of the most wonderful things about blogging is the feedback between the author and his readers. Actuaslly, sometimes (ok, most of times) the things you write on my dinobox are much more interesting and funnier than my own posts. So... my question is: Why the fuck you are not commenting on me anymore???!!! C´mon people! I have (drums background) more than a hundred visits per day and how much?...5 comments?.
So please, PLEASE, P L E A S E, if you are reading this, would you write a little line for this poor lil´handicapped 3rd world country gay guy? C´MON! I´m on my knees begging (God! it´s been long since the last time I was on this position!).


MADONNA:
My dear Madonna:
I know you´ve been this close to breake your ass on that horse. I know all that Kabala crap has been melting your brain. I know your new life style as a Stepford wife is hard. I know writting book for childrens is very stressing. I know Guy Ritchie could beas bad in bed department as his latest movie. I know it, I know it. But today I had the pleasure
(?) of listening a preview of the first single from your next album, yes, the one you are planing to release in november... DID YOU HAVE TO USE THAT HEDIOUS ABBA BACKGROUND???
WHY MADONNA WHY???
NOTE: The song is called HANG UP and it will be the first single of "CONFESSIONS ON A DANCEFLOOR" to be released on november 15th. The single does contain a sample from an Abba song Gimme Gimme Gimme. Mhhhh.


VIDEO:
If you watch my sidebar (on the left, dummie) you´ll see a little Real Player screen. This means I finally decided to screw all my oh-my-god-this-fucking-pills-are-making-me-look-like-an-aerostatic-baloon-without-a-basquet feelings away and decided to show up on camera wich, unlike pictures, does not allow sellections, light corrections or the magicfrom a photoshot touch . SO THAT´S ME, GET OVER IT! (I´m planning to change the video every week, as I used to do with my EGO-METER pictures, remember?).
I love ya!
Ian.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

MUSIC makes the people come together....YEAHHH

this was taken today.
Last night I went with some friends to an Irish pub. I was the JOKE of the night cuz
I had a fucking peach juice (yeah, in an Irish pub!- remember I can´t mix alcohol with my pills). It reminded me those old far west movies where the new guy in town entered to a Saloon and ordered a glass of water. (in my case, milk and cookies).
BTW if I hear another BEATLES or CREEDENCE song, I´ll kill myself!!
WHAT IS THE SONG YOU HATE THE MOST?

Thursday, September 01, 2005

"Helloooo Sydneyyyy...do you like scary movies??"


Why the hell everything in my life has to be so damned taken-from-a-movie like???? or worst taken-from-a-fucking-sitcom like??? [Note: you retard! yes, YOU, this was retorical so please, don´t you dare to write an answer on a comment!]

Ok, I met a guy. [take this time to your cheerleader dance and clapping celebrating this fact....................................................... are you done with it?......... no? ok.................................................... now let me continue..... please?!...... all right,
STOP IT!!]

Well, let´s call him Mr.Di, he has found me through this old profile I have and, once he became a "new contact" in my MSN list , we had a few short and nonsense chats. I didn´t give too much on him then (as I do to most of the guys I found by gaydar) and I forgot him pretty soon.
Then, after a month or so, I got this email saying: "Hey, I loved your nickname" and I was like "uh?". I bitterily replied something like: "wich one? I change them all the time"(asuming He was talking about my MSN nick). So, next time he found me online, we started talking, this time a little more open (me + open= trouble).
Mr. Di happened to be a very funny guy, and the most glorious thing is we have the same sick sense of humor (yes, believe it or not!) so I don´t need to be worry about the chance of hurting him with my jokes (Who am I trying to fool??? I NEVER worry about things like that).
The point here is HE HAS BEEN CALLING ME ALL NIGHTS FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS!!! and every call is taking more than two and a half hours!!! (crazy uh?).
In the beginning this was silly... now is beyond my control. We don´t wanna rush things or defy anything BECAUSE WE DON´T HAVE ANYTHING! but... c´mon! I´found myself nervous and uncomfortable when it was already 0.30am and he hadn´t called yet (of course, he finally did it and we stayed until 3.30am). And that´s so NOT ME!!
ALEXIS says I´m acting like a schoolgirl on a crush, and maybe he´s right. Yesterday we were supossed to meet at the theatre and, with a silly excuse, I took the date back... ok, you can hit me!... I´m kinda terrified, not because he (as Tish suggested) could probabbly be a serial killer, I´m terrified about being ready to "start" again, and I´m not sure if I want to.
But he´s oh so niiiiiicee... yes Alexis, you are definately right.
Ian.-