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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Hippo Hunt III - Final Chapter


Hello my beauties!!
Here´s the last HIPPO entry.
This time the questions were harder and a little more...uhh...mmhh... ok, you´ll see them anyway.
Thanks for those wonderfull questions that made me sweat 6 gallons while I was answer them.
Please, remind me never, NEVAAH to do this again... you hear me??? nevahhhhhhh
I LOVE YOU.
(Don´t forget to commen!t)
Ian.
Thank God our little friend got to the lake... he´ll be safe there. He was thinking about how many things were hapenning to him that morning: "this must be some kind of curse ...I knew I shouldn´t have taken that extra pizza slice last night!"Hippo Ian sat under a tree and watched the waves in the water...wait,,, this is a fucking lake, waves are not supossed to be here! OH MY GOD, FOR MUFASA´S ASS´ES SAKE, IS THAT ALEXIS?????!!!
YES, suddenly, in the center of the lake, a big shell ( yes, that´s a shell) came from the depths and when it slowly opened its nacared walls, inside it, laying like a shining pearl, Alexis, "the" Mrs. Astor, was cumbing her long red hair and showing a huge and bright fish tale where her legs were supossed to be... she´s mean now, and when she saw Hippo Ian on the coast, she started her deadly enchanting song:

In the last moments of the planet as we know it, with only seconds left for all of us, whom would you embrace and kiss in the face of THE END?
Wow, since I was a kid I always hate this who-would-you-rescue-from-the-fire questions...
I don´t know... my mother if she was with me... but If you are talking about the loves I had... I think It would be Augusto, my first husband, the guy I wrote about on my
first TWIGLIGHT ZONE post, as he was my lifetime true love, I love the idea of embracing him in the last hour.

What this beautifull Alexis-mermaid didn´t know is that cocodriles are deaf, and that they love big fish... poor lil´goldfish soul... to die like that. Hippo Ian said hi to the cocodrile and thank him, they went highschool together.
*NOISE*are those bells? Holly crap! now what?
_"nothing, my dearchild"
_"Ok, who the hell are you and why are you wearing that huge white and sparkling dress in the middle of the african jungle IN SUMMER???
_ it´s because I´m Tish, your fairy godmother, and I´ll make all your wishes come true...
_ what?
_ yes hippo Ian, look, this is my magic wand... eat it, bitch!
suddenly, with a fast movement, Tish revealed that the "magic wand" was actually a deadly shotgun she had bought a few month before in a "James Bond charity auction" and she started shooting like a mad girl:

I'd like to know if you have ever had a romantic relationship with a woman, and if so for how long.
ok, this would kill half of my readers. YES, I HAD A ROMANTIC RELASHIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN.
Actually I had 4 of them in my life, not very long relationships, This was a long time ago, and they knew I WAS GAY from the begining. but this deserves a post of its own, don´t you think?

Tish could´t run with that huge dress, bad for her, god for the cocodrile. Hippo Ian, who can´t stand blood, started running away while he herd helicopters flying around. From their opened doors, the hunters were aiming at IAN, who felt the burning bullets hitting the floor around him:

thephoenixnyc
What is the meaning of life?
oreo?????? (no matter how dark we could be, there´s always some good thing coming from our inner side)

val
what scent do you usually wear?
Pí by GIVENCHY

Deanne (again)
When are you going to audio blog, so we can hear your voice?
As soon as I could sing again in a properly way I will.

Glitzy
what is your biggest pet peeve?
to sing EVITA songs acording to the action I´m taking.
i.e. While dressing up: "I came from the people, they need to adore me so CHRISTIAN DIORme from my head to my shooooooooes"
while I was in rehab on my wheelchair: "how can I be any use to you now, give me a chance and I let you see how nothing has changed..."

Then, a huge scream came from the jungle...the helicopters left and Hippo Ian, who thought he was safe, stopped his running to hear TED, king of the jungle, calling his name, TED was wearing nothing but a lepard print speedo.He stared at Ian and asked with a taken-from-a-movie voice tone:

How often do you masturbate? With which hand?
hahahaha more often than I´d want to.
I´ve always been lefthanded but, since my illness affeted my arms and hands coordination and sensitivity, I was forced to use my right hand... and I gotta say the experience is weird, when I close my eyes... IT´S LIKE BEING WITH SOMEBODY ELSE!!!

Why do you make derogatory comments about your looks? Do you really feel that way or are you fishing for compliments?
YES, I KNOW I AM NOT FAT,
I ve always been a very thin guy, I never worried about how much did I eat ´cause I was naturally slim...
while I started working in theatre and because of my dancing classes and the rush between performances and auditions, my body started to change and I became a "defined bodyed hotty".
then I got ill, and suddenly, all the fisic activities (dance, running, gym) I had stopped.
plus, the drug threathment was based on cortizone wich has severe secundary effects such as skin spots, pimps, insomnia and liquid retention (that inflates your body like a baloon).
So, in a day or two, I was another person, from a very cute and fuckable stage performer to a big fat assed handicapped bitch. I couldnt recognize myself in the mirror. it was hard.
now, as medication is lowing down, im deinflating... and I dared to post pictures again.
Now I´m going gym everyday (2 hours) because of my rehab planning and after 7 month I´m still looking huge compared to what i use to be.
the hippo thing started as a joke, and you know me, I love to devastate myself in self defense, its not low self steme, its just proclaiming the shit on me before others could do.
So I´m not fishing for cumpliments here!!

When can I get you naked in bed with me?
...

and this is how our brave little friend ran straight to TED reaching for his gun and nobody has ever heard of him again... nobody but the elephant, who says he lives in the US now as a member of TED´s private Hunting Trophyes collection.

TED always knew... hunting Ian only takes a great mucled body, a pair of blue eyes, a loveable smile...and a lepard print speedo.

CLEVER BOY, UH?

THE END
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