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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Back in Studio


Back in Studio


Hey ya all!!
I know, at this time, you would be, as I am, a little tired of reading on my site about Rehab Tales and stuff like that.. so, this post will be a little tribute to all of you who has been celebrating every single suscessful step I´ve done since I started rehab.
IT´S TIME TO CELEBRATE HAPPYNESS!!!! (yup, I know, I´m a party bitch.. ) and I HAD TO share this with you:

I know I have tons of new visitors that have no idea I am an actor/singer, and since I´ve been infected by this strange neuro-illnes (doctors have no idea what this shit is yet) I also lost my voice. (besides the walking, coordinating, etc....yeah, I know... shit shit shit). And of course, the idea of performing again was like a dream way beyond my hands...you know, there are not so many characters in musicals for handicapped performers... (I thought of writting "MY LEFT FOOT, THE MUSICAL" but then I thought:"who would pay to see a bunch of suffering gay cripples singing on stage?, I know people love LesMiserables, a play when they go get the ticket KNOWING the entire cast dies!! and what about Andrea Boccelli??c´mon! the guy is blind and he´s a hit!!!" but I just couldnt find a producer.).

A few days after I let the Rehab Center, Ive been offered to direct a Musical (click here to read the story) thing I accepted with no second thoughts, and that has been a everyday joy, rehearsall after rehearsall.

The opening night will be next july 14th, and we are running against the clock. Today was the CD recording... and I´m still in shock. Not only I could direct a 7 hours first jorney of vocal arrengements (that I wrote) at the Studio... I COULD ACTUALLY SING!!!!!!!!!!, YES, I did some choirs, I felt I was in heaven!.

My voice is not here yet, but I just can´t believe I was able to use it now. I´m SO HAPPY!

I just had to share it with you.

Hugs

Ian.-

Friday, June 24, 2005

THE DATING AGAIN PROJECT

Maybe you aren´t surprised I had chosen this topic to write about... ( it took the second place on my last weeks poll). And even though I hate being predictable, I feel like it´s time to write about it.. cause it´s driving me nutts (more than usual) and I don´t know why after all this month of blogging I finally got to this strange formula:
"STUFF THAT FREAKS IAN OUT" + A LITTLE OF MY SICK HUMOR = SUCCESFULL POST!
so, after this, I have two conclusion to choose between:
1. I´m a crazy little freak... and
you love me!
2. you are as crazy as I am and, just like me, you love freaky stuff...so,
you love me!

ANYWAY... lets get this post started.

As you all now by now, I started a new life not so long ago... I got divorced, I left the rehab clinic, I moved back to my parents, I started working again in theatre and, above all this things: I started walking again. (honney, if you are new here, try reading
"The year of the fall" to get why I had to learn how to walk again). And between all this stuff... there is something that has been putted aside day after day, until its time comes... yes people, I´m talking about men.

I never know if the fucking right time is here yet (my watch is broken) but the point is, though time would be wrong or not, men are knocking on my door...and I´m paralized.

" men are knocking on my door"????????!!!!!! what an expression!! No, it´s not that my EGO ate my brain...let me explain this...
After I left the Rehab Center I got (finally!) connected again with the www, I mean, MSN, CHAT, BLOGS, LISTS, MAILINGS, and thousand ETCs this marvalous shit can bring... so I started meeting people... lots of new "contacts"... until they wanted to become more than that...
It´s funny, when I got the feeling that I´d "keep" a nick on my list, I send them this blog URL begging the guy speaks english... you know, start to explain how my nowadays situation is, takes a lot of my time, and I don´t really wana waste non of it.
Yes "Hello, I´m a handicapped bitch in recovery" is not a good presentation card but, I NEED to explain it because, if someone that is talking to you everyday, in a very friendly and polite way, invites you out for a drink several times and you just say NO, I CAN´T, he will be pissed off at you pretty soon.

But, What if a guy that already knows about the "handy bitch" thing keeps insisting in a meeting and affirms that he understands everything and that he has "deeper interests" in you???...and What if you find that you really like him, and you have "interests" too?
The right moment??? the right time??? tha hell with that!!!
I´ll tell you what...

The main thing is: even though I´m already off my Wheelchair (I´m walking helped with a cane....) I can´t manage by myself yet... I must be assisted by someone all the time ´cause though I´m better everyday, I can´t totally control my hands coordination and fine movements yet.. example: it takes lots of effort to pick something from the table..

So..-.CAN YOU IMAGINE ME, IAN, ARRIVING TO A DATE WITH MY MOM OR MY BROTHER?? yeahh I suppossed you couldn´t...
and please do not suggest inviting the guy home... my dog would eat him....

MONDAY MORNING UPDATE:

MESSAGE FOR ALL OF YOU BITCHES WHO WANT TO FUCK ME UP

This is NOT dedicated to my beloved readers who´s been supporting me since I started blogging, this is for YOU pieces of Bullshit that wants me drown!:

I´m feeling VULNERABLE, more tan ever... I dunno how long is this state gonna be, but if you want to play your card... this is your fucking moment honney!

kisses to you all!

Ian

Monday, June 20, 2005

OK, This time, You decided...

During the last week I had lots of problems with this freaking site... and, ,while I was eating my fingertips trying to fix them, thing I almost did, for the first time since I started blogging I made you, my beloved readers, choose between five diff´rent titles, five diff´rent stories to write about... and, acording to your decition, here it goes my next post.
You wanted some blood uh?, well here it is...(I hope not to dissapoint you)
Hugs!
Ian



It happened last weekend...it´s started as a JOKE I gues, but afterwards everything turned extremely dangerouse..and all our lives were in risk.

While you all were sleeping quietly on your beds, dreaming about candy canes and Disney´s caracters, my email box started to get filled with poisoned arrows, armed troups, elephants and alligators in line ready to attack and strategy battle plans.

WHAT THA HELL? you are asking... I´ll tell you:

Everything started when Ms. Bees Knees and Mrs. Astor (Mr. A.) were negociating who was keeping Mikevil (that hotty blond canadian angel).

Don´t ask me when or how this issue became into a huge bloody competition where lots of people (me included) got stucked in the middle, trying to avoid the injures of that crazy conflict.

One by one those emails arrived to my box, and the whole thing was getting harder and harder: Mr A. adopted an amazing World War language including a lot of Russian Emperors references (that made me run to Google to learn more about history!) and things got even worst when Mme. Bees proclaimed this line: "who will be the next american beauty queen!? [please note: residents not living within the united states are automatically disqualified. sorry mikevil and ian. you lose.]"

So, I was already officially included on this crazyness.. and this was my first accion:

MY DEAR ALEXIS
I must confess, since your last letter I just couldn´t stop thinking about how terrible this war must be to all the innocents that, accidentally, got stucked in the middle of the battle field (my case, mikevil´s and silent knottybabe´s)...

I know there´s no other choice than this bloody combat but, as you may know by now, my commanders are silently taking advantage and are coming up from the south, taking the whole Mexico with their troups, prepared to attack immediately. They are just waiting for my order to take over Florida...
So this is my offer: Madame Bees, not only called me "CHEERLEADER", she also said I was out of contest because of my Argentinian origin... and I can show her how wrong she was (in my name and Mikevil´s) and KICK HER AMERICAN BUTT!
In return, I demand from you, the "NEW BEAUTY QUEEN" title and its recognition in your vast territories, The
Palace and its friends included. Of course this is just the first of several letter interchange...but remember, my troups are ready, they are armed and waiting to my orders, actually they are wondering what side I would take, considering how much I love Madame Bees and how easy is to kill a thousand alligators* in line...

This is not a call for war, just a dialogue between gentlemans request.

your obediant servant.

IAN-IVY

*. Mrs. Astor´s Troups.



After this email (intercepted by Mme. Bees, of course) we received from SF Bay Area, California, Bees´s Reign, a treat offer, including a call for peace:

UH-OH. I'm fucked. Perhaps we can strike some sort of bargain here? Therefore I propose a treaty. And as you all know American treaties are ALWAYS true to thier word. Now where was I? Ah yes. I propose the following:
IAN, I proclaim you American Beauty Queen and with that title you'll also recieve A NEW CAR!!! [complete with leather interior and Knottyboy in the passenger seat.]

alexis, you may have both mikevil and the left half of the hemisphere [Including of course Florida, herefore, you'll also be getting my dear, old, annoying grandmother. Lucky you. I hear she just moved into her new mobile home over there, complete with pony palms and a pre-fab sun porch] under one condition, I GET RAY. Get your satin-gloved hands off that one... he's mine.



afterwards, my answer:


Well... mhhhhhhhh... it seems Madame Bees finally
understood... never, i mean, NEVER say "Ian´s out of contest"

we have a deal, yes...unless Mr.A had a better offer... but, as the clever man he is, I´m sure he will take this PACT as a call for peace, even though the idea of getting mdme. Bees´s granny sounded like a little kick on the
balls.

So Mr A., Im waiting for your response...in the meantime let me tell you something that has been worrying my league commanders since this whole conflict started: the Knottyboy countess silence... no one knows how his actions would be, even now that he has been offered as a trophy of war (that I gently accepted).

In order to continue with this "open dialogue" between the strongest forces of queerland, i remain you.
your NEW AMERICAN BEAUTY QUEEN
IAN-IVY


.ps.Where´s my fucking car?????????????!!!!!!!!!!

.

An then finally: (signed by Mrs.Astor).

Count Ian, your solicitation and aggravation of a
situation already spinning out of control is well-taken. I suggest a bottle of port and cigars before your troops (already estimated to be of only Falkland quality) are committed to trying to gain American citizenship by marrying my sisters.

I suggest that I name you the new Minister of Peace, give you a lovely estate on the ocean, and award you more medals for your service to the world.

Ah, finally the Kissinger of our time! Yes, there is no need for war, but you are right.... The incessant
silence of Knottyboy makes me worry.

The only knowlegeable response is a First Strike. We have to get rid of Knottyboy; he is plotting to take
over Bees' empire now that she has become senile.

And my last strike here...

my dear mr.A.
Now this inminent war is over, and considering that since her last treat announcement, Mme.Bees remained silent, I´m writting you this lines as a confirmation of my ads to peace.

About my trophy of war, The Knottyboy Countess, don´t worry. He won´t be able to take over Mme. Bees empire, he will be very busy working for me as my personal handmaid (sexual slave) so it will be no need to get rid of him.

Everything is under control. my men are aware.... but since somebody offererd them liquor and cigars, they just started to dance in a happy mood, what in musical talking it would be: they turned from Les Misserables to Mama mia! and believe me...thats not a good ad to watch.

I hope this lines found you in good health and mood.
your obediant servant

IAN-IVY
NEW AMERICAN BEAUTY QUEEN



and now,as an epilogue to this email interchange... I´ll leave you with a few lines I got from Mr.A after all this mess...


Ian, because of your Nobel Peace Prize performance, we can all sleep. Knottyboy is obsessed with cereals that will induce teenages to explore their private parts all the more, Bees has been awarded a brand new spirt-hunting job and title, Mikevil isn't causing much more harrn than having Mai Tais with Derwood, or whatever his boyfriend is named, Ray is probably translating Anna Karenina into Farsi, and I will begin a new week with a distinct desire to improve on the shallow and tawdry life I inherited.



SO...YOU SEE??? I SAVED THE WORLD!!!

yeahhhhhhh... I´m BATMAN! mmmmhhhh no, wait I´m THE NEW AMERICAN BEAUTY QUEEN!

eat that Barbie!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

FRIDAY UPDATE (Still working/Keep voting/Bees b-day)

HTML IDIOT ATTACKS AGAIN!!!

Click on the picture to read "The HTML Idiot Nightmare"


Ladies and Gentleman....I´m hitting my head against the wall again.

This moring I tried to write (please believe me, I really tried) to give you all a little more than that trashy Paris Hilton video, that u really hated. But, when I sat in front of my computer, I discover that my site feed, the place where I post most of the pictures I show on this blog (banners, animations, videos, etc.) passed misteriously away... soooooo I don´t wanna start a frenetic drama queen lament but, I already started working to recover some of my pictures, move them to another place and post them again. This is why you will probably find that most of the graphics are missing... in the meantime, I have this to offer:

  • Read the first HTML Idiot story, It´s about how I screwed most of my templates when I started blogging in last January. (click on the pic)

  • vote for my next post....... what do you want me to post about?
    CHOOSE A TITLE

FRIDAY UPDATE:

Hello sweethearts!- as you could see, most of my pictures are back on its place...well, not all of them...

I foound anoter corner in this freaking www to place all my stuff... I hope this survives longer... I´m still working. So, don´t be surprised if things are not loading in the way they should be.

oh! KEEP VOTING FOR MY NEXT POST!! (I never did something like that and I´m enjoying watching how you deal with my stories (until now I got that: "stop that "Desperate Handicapped Housewives" thing!!! we want some blood!!!" And you´ll get it babes!).

oh... next saturday is Ms. Bees Knees b-day, let´s cheer the bitch! (I love you Bees!!).

hugs!

Ian.

VOTING RESULTS: BLOOD!!!!
a rehab tale " Mom started the gym".
9 votes
a New Twiglight Zone Post, this time: "fucking elevators"
10 votes
"this means WAR, Bitch"
15 votes

I´m getting married!!
9 votes
Dating again?...u mean...A DATE???
12 votes

Thursday, June 09, 2005

And I thought I loved Paris in the springtime...


(click on the picture to see the video)


Two days ago I found Kevin was on line, he is one of those charismatic & geourgeous cartoon characters ( I luv ya Kev!) you can find dancing to Madonna´s choreographies on a queer discoteque´s stage... actually, now that I think about it, that was the picture when I first met him...).
So, after a while without knowing how he was, we were togheter again chatting by msn about life, health, my dead marriage, men and... Paris Hilton.

It happends to be that now Little Kevin has become a Paris Hilton fan....yes people... Paris Hilton DOES HAVE fans...

Then... it happened... he showed me her last video-commercial (if you haven´t seen it, take a minute and watch it, the link is on the picture) it just took my breath away....

NEXT TIME I WASH MY CAR REMEMBER ME TO WEAR MY LEATHERS!!!!!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

That´s it!

Today (monday afternoon) and after a very positive appointment with my Inmunologist (She found I got really better after two month with the new drug.... and decided to slow the Cortizone pills admistration down from 40mg to 20mg daily -remember that Cortizone has been poisoning my blood for over a year!), I finally went back to my downtown appartment to get some of my stuff back..
What I thought it would be a very tragic and painfull thing to do became, actually, into some kind of strange relief.





Last week, and after a month without talking with my "now oficially former" husband, I started a very rude email interchange with him---(trying to make him react..) . and what I got as an answer to it was no other thing that a confirmation that the greatest thing I could do in order to survive was to say enough and stop the usseless suffering I was living on during the lasts months.... he just didn´t get it... not even the half of those thousand words i had to say to throw up all te shit I had inside...
as always, he didn´t read, he didn´t listen, he didn´t understand...
so, with nothing more to say, I asked him to collect all what he considered was mine and putted it into a bag, that I would pick up today. (at this point, on his defense, I gotta say that he said I could take everyting... that I had more than a bag to get from that place).

And today, whe I opened the door, I found all my things packed, and a note:



"IAN:
TAKE ALL YOU WANT FROM HERE, I´M NOT KICKING YOU OUT.
BUDDY"


What the hell is that supossed to mean??
Anyway, I took all I could and came here... relieved, oddly happy, and thiking about how many things I was feeling at the same time...

THE GOOD thing:

"this morning the Rehab Center sent me two leters that arrived to my "room" after I had left it:

1. My friend from NY, JASON, remember I told you about him? He´s the one that I thought was missing and I found again last month. I LOVE YOU JAY!!!

2. One of my favorite blogland neighbourgs: the lovely TEXAS BISCUIT sent a very sweet postcard from texas. THANK YOU L.!! U R the Best!




I´m tired now... it has been a very long and grey monday... good night everryone!

love

Ian-.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Living on a ....wait, is it me or this has started with the name of a song again??

Im in the middle of a war here...
my stupid 19 years old Brother, Lucas, went out with some friends last night to celebrate he has passed a very hard exam in college ... and drank too much.
Until this point everything sounds normal, we can forgive a few drinks in a guy who´s celebrating,
BUT what my Dad just can´t forgive is that he came home drunk and driving his car!!( I mean Daddy´s car!).
Not even a fucking monkey would do such a stupidity. And he wants to be right!
While I am writting, my Dad, my Mom, My brother and the dog (!) are trying to debate this subject, wich means... I JUST CAN´T STAND THEM SCREAMING AT THE SAME TIME!!!
Now I´m wondering... where´s my fucking prozac?????