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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Friday, June 24, 2005


Maybe you aren´t surprised I had chosen this topic to write about... ( it took the second place on my last weeks poll). And even though I hate being predictable, I feel like it´s time to write about it.. cause it´s driving me nutts (more than usual) and I don´t know why after all this month of blogging I finally got to this strange formula:
so, after this, I have two conclusion to choose between:
1. I´m a crazy little freak... and
you love me!
2. you are as crazy as I am and, just like me, you love freaky stuff...so,
you love me!

ANYWAY... lets get this post started.

As you all now by now, I started a new life not so long ago... I got divorced, I left the rehab clinic, I moved back to my parents, I started working again in theatre and, above all this things: I started walking again. (honney, if you are new here, try reading
"The year of the fall" to get why I had to learn how to walk again). And between all this stuff... there is something that has been putted aside day after day, until its time comes... yes people, I´m talking about men.

I never know if the fucking right time is here yet (my watch is broken) but the point is, though time would be wrong or not, men are knocking on my door...and I´m paralized.

" men are knocking on my door"????????!!!!!! what an expression!! No, it´s not that my EGO ate my brain...let me explain this...
After I left the Rehab Center I got (finally!) connected again with the www, I mean, MSN, CHAT, BLOGS, LISTS, MAILINGS, and thousand ETCs this marvalous shit can bring... so I started meeting people... lots of new "contacts"... until they wanted to become more than that...
It´s funny, when I got the feeling that I´d "keep" a nick on my list, I send them this blog URL begging the guy speaks english... you know, start to explain how my nowadays situation is, takes a lot of my time, and I don´t really wana waste non of it.
Yes "Hello, I´m a handicapped bitch in recovery" is not a good presentation card but, I NEED to explain it because, if someone that is talking to you everyday, in a very friendly and polite way, invites you out for a drink several times and you just say NO, I CAN´T, he will be pissed off at you pretty soon.

But, What if a guy that already knows about the "handy bitch" thing keeps insisting in a meeting and affirms that he understands everything and that he has "deeper interests" in you???...and What if you find that you really like him, and you have "interests" too?
The right moment??? the right time??? tha hell with that!!!
I´ll tell you what...

The main thing is: even though I´m already off my Wheelchair (I´m walking helped with a cane....) I can´t manage by myself yet... I must be assisted by someone all the time ´cause though I´m better everyday, I can´t totally control my hands coordination and fine movements yet.. example: it takes lots of effort to pick something from the table..

So..-.CAN YOU IMAGINE ME, IAN, ARRIVING TO A DATE WITH MY MOM OR MY BROTHER?? yeahh I suppossed you couldn´t...
and please do not suggest inviting the guy home... my dog would eat him....



This is NOT dedicated to my beloved readers who´s been supporting me since I started blogging, this is for YOU pieces of Bullshit that wants me drown!:

I´m feeling VULNERABLE, more tan ever... I dunno how long is this state gonna be, but if you want to play your card... this is your fucking moment honney!

kisses to you all!



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