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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Sunday, April 30, 2006

The Endless Night Chronicles: "The CABARET, The GAY and his STRAIGHT DRIVER "

One of the most wonderful things about the endless BUENOS AIRES NIGHT is that you know how it starts but u never know how (or where) you are gonna end.

Yesterday (saturday) I was invited to present a Cabaret show in San Telmo (B.A. Off) Directed by the talented Sebastian Terragni (one of the raising stars in the BA theatrical world).
So I went with my date, the eternal hag, Maria - Countess of Navarro (I´m a married man now, no more blond boys) and the amazing singer Andrea Toraño (HERE a video of a duet we performed on a
Music hall) who joined us at the theatre with her new boytoy (whatever its name was).

Stupid Brother was supossed to pick us up after the show to drive everybody home but, as usual, we couldn´t count on him due to his decition of going out with his Stupid Friends to play Bowls (so straight, aaargh!). By the time the show had finished and after meeting the Director, the Music Director, the performers and the Producer (all people I used to work with who hadn´t seen me since I got my illness) I called Lucas (Stupid brother) to his cell phone and he replied:

"Forget it, We are kicking their asses"

So instead of start an histerical scene yelling to my cell phone in front of all the local Celebrities, I stayed calm, rolled eyes, smiled, hanged up (yes, I had a lil´stroke in the inside) and called and agency to send me a Limo (No fag! it´s not a limousine! it´s just a car with a driver!).

Five minutes later, a big white fancy (?) car was waiting for us at the theatre doors.

Because of my cane and stuff, I always take the front sit (I can stretch my legs there) That allowed me to make eye contact with the driver while Maria, Andrea and BoyToy were taking over the backsits. I thought: STRAIGHT but cuuuuuuuuuuuute.

Once we were on our way home I made what then I thought it was a good joke(after living there for two month I got used to South Beach, where all the fun ends at 11pm -poor boring peopple) , I said:

"hey, it´s only 4.30 in the morning... we could go for a drink&dance"

As soon as I said that, the car was filled with exclamation signs and suggestions of places to go (all infamous dark smocky holes, of course, we are not fancy-like people).

Then, after all passengers showed they were all excited about going out again, I rolled my eyes for a second time that night and asked the driver: "Cordoba Avenue 4200"

So, we went to Sitges, a very popular (and fun) gay pub. Then I asked our cute-straight-married-with-two-childrens driver if he accepted a drink bought by a handicapped fag joining his dress-to-kill girlfriends and a boytoy in a gay bar.

He accepted.

So after a few rounds of Gin Allexanders (my fav drink) and Calypso Coffe to our driver, after laughing like hyenas making fun of every passing fag at the disco-bar, after talking and talking and talking about our silent movies and how we´d love to come back, we were ready(and dizzy enough) to go home. (8.30am)

When the car took the highway back to suburb hell, Maria suggested:

"we could go to a bakery and buy crossants for breakfast"

Then the cute-straight-married-with-two-childrens river replied:

"I know a place, they have a great coffe too"

And then I say:

"so... let´s have breakfast there!"

Conclusion: Maria and I, arrived home at 10.30 in the morning after having a wonderful breakfast with a cute-straight-married-with-two-childrens driver...

OMG! look at the time! I´m sorry to leave you guys, but I´m late for a play...
I wonder how will I get there on time!
well... maybe a cute-straight-married-with-two-childrens driver could take me there...

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Trying to get back... just trying

Shit, it´s so hard to be me (neurotic - compulsive - obsesive - cripple)!

The main plan was to switch to Workaholic Mode as soon as I arrive to B.A. so I could be able to avoid the anxhiety of being back in troubleland (my parents´)
and I did it! but things did not turn out as they were supossed to and now I am not only busy but also stressed out!

FACTS: I was about to direct a musical play for kids I co-wrote with my choreographer and friend Maku Malanchuk.

During my time away,

-The auditions took place and the entire cast was chosen, and I thought I was cool about it
-The rehearsall times were set up, and I thought I was cool about it.
-They started rehearsing without me, and I thought I was cool about it.
-They made a few changes in the text, and I thought I was cool about it .

Well... I AM NOT!!

I´ve found myself trying to direct actors who CAN´T ACT (a legion of Tory Spelling wannabes without the money) in a rehearsall schedule that stomps on my gym days (remember I´m under a very strict rehab programme) and fighting against my partners to keep the logic in every single scene.

Not to mention I still have to write a few lyrics for the songs.

I know I can be extremely passionate while I´m working, and that I love this play... but I am reallly considering to quit this company and start another project.

maybe it´s just a female thing



Monday, April 24, 2006

When the "Endless summer" comes to an end

Oh my friends. Since I arrived to Buenos Aires the weather´s been driving me crazy, RAIN-SUN-RAIN-WIND-RAIN-CHILLS, and today, a very warm breeze.

So B A fall, you never know what to wear, but don´t forget a warm sweter... just in case.

Nevermind, I just wanted to post this sexy Pic of me...

Friday, April 21, 2006


oh yes, after 50days in paradise, I´m back at my parents´home in Buenos Aires (I´m sorry, I can´t say it´s my "home" anymore... Alexis´s arms are not here and THAT´S where my new home is).

As it was supossed to, the unpacking was no other thing that a kid version of THE AMAZING RACE, where my lil´brothers (and mom... and dad) were jumping around me like hyenas, laughing and especting the "Disneyworld´s gifts, toys & memorabilia"packages.

It was a hit, and to see their faces worth that extra suitcase my hubby had to buy to carry all these things with me.

Even my Dad was there to play with the huge dinosaur we bought (for the kids, yeah)

by the way, tomorrow I´m going shopping, at the very same moment I finished unpacking I found out I had left all my underwear in Florida so... I´m all natural now and believe me... IT DOESN´T go with jeans.............................................
(it hurts)


Monday, April 17, 2006

Happy B - day Norma!!!!!!!!

Once, you won't remember,
if you said Hollywood,
Here was the face you'd think of,
Her face on every billboard,
In just a single week she'd get ten thousand letters.
Men would offer fortune for a bloom from her corsage
Or a few strands of her hair.
Today she's half-forgotten,
But it's the pictures that got small
She is the greatest star of all.

Then, you can't imagine,
How fans would sacrifice themselves to touch her shadow.
There was a Maharajah who hanged himself with one of her discarded stockings.
She's immortal caught inside that flickering light beam
Is the youth which cannot fade.
Madame's a living legend;
I've seen so many idols fall

She is the greatest star of all.

Note to my readers (if I still have any): This wednesday I'm returning home, that means next weeek this site will be back on its regular posting schedule. See you all then!!

Friday, April 07, 2006