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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

THE BETTY FORD DIARIES, PAGE 5

THE BURNING NUTRICIONIST LADY

It happened two weeks ago. Romina and me were talking about the food and she told me she was tired of it, for some unkown and uncomprehensible reason, they gave her chiken every night... fried chicken, breeaded chicken, chicken burguers, etc... and she hates this little birds.


There is in this world only one plate I just can´t even try: it´s called "POLENTA", wich is nothing but cooked ground corn, that smells and tastes like crap.

The day I arrrived I had a brief interview with the nutricionist ans I was asked if there was something I couldn´t eat...so I told her about my polenta problem and she said it was ok, at she will exclude this shittty hotplate from my diet.

everything was great until.... one night I opened my dinner box and almost threw upp when I found a big smelty prtion of fucking polenta!!!!!!!(watch the picture on the link, it looks like an old woman´s period on a piece of yellow shit served on a plate!!!). I wanted to scream but I just held my breath, counted to ten and went to the clinic´s restaurant to get a sandwich.

Things got worst when the night after I found they brought me polenta again!!! and then I started my plans to kill the nutricionist. Of course ROMINA agreed and joined on my cruzade to revenge our stomachs.

The plan was, when this cute girl came on her round to my room (615) the morning after, I would soak her with gasoline, then afterwards, whe she arrive to Romina´s room (617) she would light a match... and kabooooooooooooom!!!! no more ckicken and polenta for us!!!!!!!!!!!

We laughed a lot about this plan... but everything ended ok. we had a conversation with her and she admitted she made a mistake with the listing and she promised not to send polenta again. And about the chicken thing... she would try not to send it everynight... happy ending (for me, because Romina had to deal with coocked birds util the day she left the REHAB CENTER...)

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THE MUSIC WAR

IAN VS ALEJANDRO

I think everyone of you remember ALEJANDRO, my hotty, handsome taken-from-an-escort-catalogue designated PT. well, I think I gave you enough details on this diaries about how cool this guy is... but he has a huge defect (besides being straight)... his taste in music sucks!

He is from CORDOBA, a argentinian state located in the north west of BUENOS AIRES. Actually I lived there for 4 years when I was a kid. This region is famous because of their people´s funny accent (that ALEJANDRO has making him so fucking cute), sense of humor and "CUARTETO MUSIC", THE GREATEST SHIT MY EARS EVER HEARD.

How can I explain what this music is and how it sounds.... ok, close your eyes and pretend to be in the middle of an exotic latin parade where everybody is screaming, then add some barking dogs, drums and cheap wine and you´ll get a close idea of how this trashy rythm is.

I don´t need to say that my sweet PT loves this shit and waits for any chance he could find to put one of his CDs on the gym by the time I am working just to piss me off. It did.t matter how I cursed him, bitch him or even screamed, he just laughed at me and turn the volume louder and louder.

Then I threatened hiM: "wait until next monday...I´ll play the music and you will have to listeN every single song you sucker bitch!!"

And that moday came..... I prepared a CD with the worst queer selection of songs I could find in internet... all too disco... all too classic... all too gay. (I just wanted to see his reactions to them, he is too straight to enjoy it eehehe)

I called this CD "PUTICILINA 500mg." (something like GAYSPIRIN, a medication to cure straightness) and it has a note on it warning about the dangers of its abuse, that it was addictive.

the list started with:

  1. I AM WHAT I AM
  2. DANCING QUEEN- ABBA
  3. GLORIA- LARA BRANIGAN
  4. A LITTLE RESPECT- ERASURE
  5. YMCA - VILLAGE PEOPLE GIRLS
  6. SHOOP SHOOP SONG - CHER
  7. HOT STUFF- donna summer
  8. i will survive- gloria gaynor
  9. EXPRESS YOURSELF VOGUE MIX - MADONNA
  10. VENUS - BANANARAMA
  11. FAME - IRENE CARA
  12. AND VERY MUCH MORE............

So... I turned the gym into a gay discoteque... and they loved it! even ALEJANDRO wanted a ccopy of this CD... so you can say I won this battle...

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WELL BABIES... I DON´T WANNA BORED U... I PROMISE MORE PICTURES COMING SOON...

I LOVE YOU!!!

OHHHHHHHHH! during this week I went through another TWIGLIGHT ZONE EXPERIENCE... (read my TZ post from my ESSENTIALS TO READ list on my sidebar) and I really wanted to post about it but I´m affraid you won´t believe it... I don´t wanna be taken as a big fat liar!

u wanna read the story? tell me in your comments... ohhhhh god! my life is so fucking weird!!!!!!!!!!

STAY TUNED

LOVE!

IAN.-

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