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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Friday, May 19, 2006

One of the things I am terrrified about, since this new fall of my health came up, are my meds secondary effects... I´ve already mentioned on this blog the several problems that a huge dosis of Cortizone like the one I´m taking now everyday can give to your whole system..

And even though I´ve been taking these pills for less than a week, I can feel the changes have started and, believe me, that´s not an easy to thing deal with...

Before all the physicall aspects (pimples, stretch marks, skin spots, lost hair, lost nails, liquid retention=inflation of the body...etc) The ones that came first were all those little things that you can´t see on a picture...

Anxhiety disorders, chmging moods, imsomnia, palpitations, shakens, anguish, and the worst of them all: bitterness.

I can´t control my emotions... and now, while writting this and against my will, I had taken two of those fucking pills I always denied to take, just to stop this horrible state of anger-anguish-pain-sorrow. This bitter cocktail I´m going through tonight and that already made me hurt someone I love.

I can´t control it, and now I decided to take the pills, relaxing, calming...doping... whatever...

I can hear Jack Nicholson saying

"I wanna be a better man"

I´m sorry.

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