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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Friday, May 26, 2006

BETWEEEEN DESPERATION, EXHAUSTION, EXITEMENT AND THE POWER OF YOUR ENERGY.

I am not able to believe what has happenned today...

The day started with a Journey to the Hospital due to I have no improvemenrts under the increased dosys of cortizone I´ve been taken since My illness attacked my brain again. I was terrified cuz my doctor told me the night before that I would probbably be hospitalized to apply a new drug treathment....

I was desperate, furious, frightened, crying and completely lost.

My love (5.0000 miles away) woke me up playing our wedding song "You can´t stop the beat" on Skpe while I was trying to get dress and stop crying. Alexis always gets to the deepest corner of my soul and heart every time he tries to cheer me up, no matter how down I would be...

He wrote THIS post on his site asking people to rise their glases and send the good vibes and positive energy I needed to get through all this crap.

THE DOCTOR´S APPOINTMENT WAS KINDA WEIRD: For the first time since this all began I shown myself vulnerable and even cried in front of my doc, THAT´S IT, I´M DONE WITH THIS AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I´LL SURVIVE, I JUST CAN´T BE THE SAME HAPPY CLOWN YOU WERE TREATING LAST YEAR AND PLEASE FORGET ABOUT ME BEING HOSPIITALIZED, JUST FORGET IT!


SO this was the mood I was into during the whole day... this anguish, this frustration, this horrible feeling of having everything taken away... one by one, all the little things that I gained in the last two and a half years (from a coma state to a wedding with the love of my life in Florida) are vanishing away.... and now I can´t even go to the bathroom without assistance of an adult...

Oh, and they increased the cortizone pills from 60mmg to 80mg a day now!!

BUT THEN, THE MIRACLE HAPPENED: All this emails, salutations, tosts, good vibes and positive energy you all sent me became flesh.

At 9.30pm someone knocked my door.........Mom got it and I heard people whispering... then Mom stepped ahead and said: "Ian, you got a visit, but get ready cuz it will be very hard, are you sure you want the surprise or will this burn your nervs?

"I´m ok Mom, who is it?"


Nicolas, my Son, after three years of absense, entered my room to give me that hug you all were sending me via e- .


Three yeas since the last time he touched me, three years since the last time he kissed me, threeyears since the last time he looked into my eyes and said: Dad, I love you"

This time he came with his wonderful "real Blonde husband Matt, who was as happy as me to be here and finally met his Father in Law...


So, next time someone says positive energy is useless... he´ll be get A kick on his face...

THANK YOU

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