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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

"Rise of the Machines!"

Oh my godness! you all never knew the apparently endless nightmare my boyfriend and I been through since last weekend.
The whole story started last friday morning when Alexis´home computer (NN) finally cracked down after a few days of agony.
As you may know by now, my boyfriend is living a whole continent away so, no matter how many devices we use to be "in touch" all the time, we still need our computers to do it.
Then, right in the very same moment when A. was pressing his PANIC BUTTON on, Claudio, his "Computer whore" came up to solve all of his problems. (actually, instead of "computer whore" he should be called "computer wizard").
Claudio took NN home and came back the day after with a fixed computer, he installed it in front of A,´s eyes and, after a few advices that were listened very carefully by an all-relaxed Alexis (I saw the whole scene by webcam, eating popcorn) he left setting everything back to normal.

When "normal " means that I am always the one with tech problems.
The very same day (saturday) Claudio fixed NN, AMNERIS I (my computer) who had been in a painfull agony for the last 4 months, started to show signs of severe damage. Then I called Marcelo, My own computer whore, who came home an made a diagnosys: "Ian, Amneris I is fucked up unless we practise a transplant on her"... its coolerr were not working well and also, they were not enough, and the BA summer heat (120ºF) didn´t help her either...
So, we made the transplant and it started working again... for only five more hours. Apparently, the transplant was too late and the new gabinet didn´t help. Amneris I passed to immortality last saturday night.

I cryed and cryed screaming in desperation, I cursed the Angels while eating my nails, and then I cried again and yelled to heaven "why did you had to take herrrrrrr take meeeeeeeh!!!!!"
Then, a thunder came from the sky, it was Alexis trying to calm me down on my cell phone...

"baby... you must think she is in a better world now... no more suffering for her... she must be playing on a cloud with her new friends, other lil´computers who play their lil´harps... you know how computer heaven is..."
Then he said:"ok, I had enough of this, stop wipping you are ruing your make-up!! We´ll find a way to solve this, don´t worry"
The morning after, I got a very juicy "gift certificate" from him via Western Union (oh yes!) and a phonecall from my hero saying "go get the better one, honney"...
He did it... there was no way back... that bitch!... I remember myself all frozen at the phone thinking "Alexis, I´m gonna kill you"... but it was done, and let me tell you, it´s easyer to insert The Pope up your ass than to be against my beloved fiancee if he has an idea stuck into his head...
So I did as he said...
I bought a new SUPER COMPUTER with an awesome high resolution 19´screen and lots of lil´toys... I´ve spent every cent he sent me on this, the greatest present I ever had.
A present that has no name yet, so please, with your comments, include a suggestion, I need your help!!
I love You A. You know it Bitch.

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