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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

BREAKING THE BUBBLE -.




AIDA
I know expectations are wild and almost
Beyond my fulfillment but they won't hear
A word of a doubt or see signs of weakness
My nigh on impossible duty is clear
If I can rekindle my ancestors' dreams
It's enough
It's enough


As I told you two posts ago (before the ticket madness began) I got through a very rough week.

Depression, insomnia, panic attacks and all sort of disorders were reigning my days (mostly my nights). You know, maybe, after almost three months of being locked up in my room (because of my treatment) I just fell down... and I got hurted.
Suddenly, I realised that no matter how much I tried to avoid the fact that the world out there was still spinning, the world out there WAS ACTUALLY STILL SPINNING and I was not being part of it...

My projects, my hopes... one by one were getting stucked inside "The Bubble" and there was nothing I could do to stop that hedious feeling of emptyness in my soul... my people (my Angels) were there with me, and they did their best to keep me up and held me while facing the abysm... but it was not enough, I fell..

_ My trip plans to see my husband are gone (July was more than a myth then and just the thougth of going to Fl in september sounds hilarious now)

_ The treatment improvements seem to have stopped, I dunno if it´s related with the whole anxhiety thing, or it´s just a stage of my recovery but, suddenly, I´m not feeling very stable anymore and I fell down (literally) several times, bruises everywhere.

_ I resigned the direction of one of my plays ("Sade, The Divine Marquis") I just stopped calling the crew to ask how everything was, or requesting reports about the play´s development... they just understood.

_ I started to feel physical pain about being in doors... missing my people, my love, my life...

AND I SAID ENOUGH.

THE PLANN:

Screw the doctors!, I decided to go out. If I´m gonna die it will be cuz I got infected by some stupid virus my Inmune System could not fight against and NOT BECAUSE I AM DEPRESSED!.

I will continue this treatment, even though it´s slowing my Inmune System down, but I refuse to stay home, locked up in my room while my days are being wasted one after the other... NO MORE BUBBLE.

Yes, I´ve been dealing with it, I´ve been writting, doing a lot of things to keep myself bussy... but how many plays could you write? how many sites could you design? how many songs could you compose? how many posts could you publish? before hitting your head against a wall??

ENOUGH.

SO, on sunday night I went to my friend Maku´s birthday party.

On Monday night: I gave my kids a surprise visit to their rehearsall (The musical play I´m directing) and shared with them a wonderful time, nobody noticed that now, I was walking with my mother´s assistance.

On Tuesday night (pictures below)I took my kids to the recording studio to work on the songs I wrote for the play, for most of them it was the first time they stepped on a Real Studio and to be there working in every detail was a magnificent experience! I even did a backup voice myself!!!!!

Tomorrow (wed) I´m planning to start the Gym again... just a very light rutine...

The plan is to keep myself bussy... out there.

NO MORE BUBBLE!

IT´S ENOUGH!




My kids at the Recording Studio: (L to R) Chechu, Me, Victor, Vanesa K, Marian (in the back) and Miri


The Bitch in Action! (switched to CONTROL-FREAK MODE)

Cute Victor on his first take. (his smile was erased after the fourth hour under my will)

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