BLOND moments... (Dedicated to my Adorable NATURAL BLONDE Mikevil)

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?A: The joystick is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?A1: Thanks Guys.A2: Are you boys all in the same band?A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm
blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.Q: Why did God create brunettes?A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.Q: Why does it work?A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?A1: The Blonde!A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?A: She missed.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?A: Because every time the door
opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.