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A Handicapped Bitch in Recovery!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

THE BETTY FORD DIARIES, PAGE 11




THE AGE WHEN ALL SONGS GOT A NEW MEANNING



It´s sounds silly, but during last week, as I was going through the fact I was finally getting divorced, I felt I had a flashback to my teenager days...
when I realized this?
One afternoon, at the gym, I was doing my ABS with SILVINA, my PT, while we were listening Aspen Radio (it´s a radio station that only plays classics and oldies), then the host announced BON JOVI: "ALWAYS".. and when this little man started singing phrases like:

"And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always "
I started to bark: "it´s all a lie","love songs are all just a bag of bullshit" (PHASE1: ANGER)
"Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye "
Then I thought: "oh, oh... touchy, yes, but still bullshit!!" (PHASE2: RESENTMENT)

"Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me "
And then: "buuuuuaaaaaaaaahhhhhh, that´s so fucking true!!"(PHASE3: SORROW)


Then afterwards, in order to complete the secret plan this fucking radio station apparently had to destroy my sanity, they decided to play that old ROD STEWARD song callled "I DON´T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT".... remember this fucking (beautifull) lyric??




I can tell by your eyes that you've probably been crying forever
And the stars in the sky don't mean nothing to you they're a mirror
I don't want to talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
won't you listen to my heart
Oh oh my heart
If I stand alone will the shadows hide the colour of my heart
black for the night, blue for tears fears the stars in the sky
don't mean nothing to you they're a mirror
I don't want to talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
won't you listen to my heart
Oh oh my heart





Now you see why I thought about my teen days?...I remember myself in early ´90 trying not to suffer while listening songs like MADONNA´s "take a bow" or TONY BRAXTON´s "unbreak my heart" thinking about some son of a bitch that maybe hurted me.
And my last post, when I was helped by some Annie Lennox song to explain how I was feeling...
and I wonder... is it just me or this things happends to "normal" people???
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I know you wanna know, I promised to tell you, but please let me be brief on this subject:
NO, I still don´t have a clue of how my (now former) husband is, or how is he doing. Since that hedious phonecall I described last week, I haven´t even get a txt message on my email...

Last monday - the day he used to visit me at the clinic (is one of his days off from work) I asked him (I made my mother call him) NOT to come. I just didn´t want to be freaking out the whole morning thinking about if he would appear or not... so I just stepped first.
NO REACTION
NOT A CALL
NOT A NOTHING...

Then thursday, the other day he used to came to the clinic to help me deal wiht my lunch (I can´t use utencils by myself remember?) it´s always just a few minutes (he´s between jobs). So wednesday night I left him a message on my answering machine: " Buddy, we really need to talk... a very llong conversation and as always, you will have no time tomorrow, and I don´t want to share lunch without talking... so I preffer not to see you tomorrow...I´ll handle it alone. DO NOT COME."
NO REACTION
NOT A CALL
NOT A NOTHING...


So you can say that TECNICALLY we are still MARRIED!!!! CONGRATULATE US!!
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